123 / 248
STRANGE SWALLOWS
123
to make fresh ones let not that man take to
selling wines or spirits on commission. Some
years ago I gave an old schoolfellow an order for
a case of Scotch whisky, which he declared upon
oath to be absolutely the best procurable. Home
came the whisky, and the first cork was drawn.
Pop ! The stuff was literally effervescent, like
champagne, or Russian birch-wine. " My dear,"
I observed to the partner of my joys and cares,
" we had better not drink much of this."
At the next Sandown Park race-meeting I
met the whisky agent, who, I forgot to mention
before, was a bit of a stammerer.
"And wh-wh-wh-what," he asked, "d'you
think of that wh-wh-wh-wh-whisky ? "
Stammering is occasionally to be caught.
"I think," was my reply, "it's the d-d-d-
dashedest m-m-m-muck I ever t-t-t-t-tasted."
" Wh-wh-what's the m-m-m-matter with it ? "
" It f-f-f-fizzes like g-g-g-ginger p-p-p-pop."
"My d-d-dear sir," he protested, "that is no
dr-dr-drawback. That's thep-p-p-peat-r-r-reek."
Peat-reek or no, that whisky was not used
for household purposes—not even for the Christ
mas pudding ; but was kept for the special benefit
of such police-constables. InlandRevenue officers,
process-servers, tax-gatherers, book agents, and
retailers of certain winners, as might call around,
with a thirst in them.
Strange whisky reminds me of the American
story of the proprietor ofa spirit-store in Arizona,
who found the ordinary brand of " Rye" was not
sufficiently attractive to his customers. So he
fitted together a blend of his own, consisting of