with Sri Ganesh

- 12-08-14:

… It drizzled a little in the night, after some rumbling of thunder… … I saw when I came in that P had been a while earlier, incense was still burning; I suppose he is praying to be shown the way out of this mess, or at least some practical solution; I suppose also that he too must be in some pain… These past few days I myself have been unable to rise out of this pain – pain and profound, intense disgust at “lying”, what it does and what “reality” it creates; it is not just P, it is a sort of rot in the general atmosphere; this is largely why and how I withdrew from all activities and, ironically, P thus became one of the very few with whom I shared the daily life… while he, in fact, was betraying the bond we had; a bond that, impossibly, still remains, perhaps because it was really formed during his near-death experience and it must have almost like a biological foundation, being part cellular and part psychic… But on my side, I find it generally difficult to be “human”, to live with human beings, as if I had to learn it all and yet having little interest in it… To live with nature, yes, to live in Your Presence and atmosphere, yes, to live in Matter, upon this earth, yes, but... to be human…? … Rs. 20/- have been offered… ..,. It is all grey and restful, after some more drizzling in the night… … Yesterday night P’s brother came to see me, to report that P had finally told his entire family everything. His wife became so upset that she took the two children and went home to her parents… I feel quite certain that at least P’s cousins were somehow well aware of what he was doing, that the wife of one of them could not have built herself a new house without them knowing she had been helped by him, for instance, since there was no other income to explain it away… To my sense, they should now see their part of responsibility in P present predicament and do their best to support him… I had to explain again to him that I would not take P back and that he had to become able to stand on his own feet and only then our friendship could find expression again… For it appears that P has so far made no effort to find work, but has been sitting the whole day on his land… However hard it is for me to push him back in the ordinary world, it must be Namaste Ganeshji… - 13-08-14:

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