Trafika Europe 1 - Northern Idyll

present, which doesn’t know itself – none of us know ourselves, and when we find out it’s like having to march uphill with a full backpack, having just to keep moving your legs, having just to advance. I wasn’t imagining the weariness. I felt I had been on the go since Friday: the whole time I was doing things, agreeing stuff with people, taking decisions, readying myself – and not sleeping, in a fever from the need to take more decisions, but still with a smoothness in what I was doing, no fits and starts, although before, I know, I needed to go flat out for things to come right. Desperation is not strength, frenzy is not courage, not any more, although I needed them in the past to take a step forward when I was up to my games, but then I saw the way to live was not bursts of heroism, not yelling, passion, hand-wringing, but dull, everyday pressure – then life adds up.

As you slog your guts out!

I went to the shooting gallery (“We’ll be closing shortly,” they warned with a glance at the round, glassed-in clock face) – shooting calms you, – only today my bullets were not accurate enough to do the job.

I guess that was it.

People are the food of the gods.

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