journal d'une transition

216

It is Sunday, we have more time. FJ gets ready to articulate his questions and, on and off through the day, we resume our “entretiens”, along with Ch who records them and joins in now and then, in her quiet, attentive, unobtrusive way… P.G, G.M, Al.B, Chr come and spend the evening with us; it is good that FJ is in direct contact with others here. *16-7-1979, Auroville: Morarji Desai has resigned…! The whole country seems to be wondering. … A few more people have joined the work; that is, there is a lot more talk going, and some work too! … Miriam came by with Ken; she looked and felt vague, uncollected; I hope Ken is good for her… Piero has an abscess in the throat… … This afternoon we recorded two full hours of “entretiens”, the 4 of us sitting inside with the doors closed, in a very concentrated atmosphere, with a high degree of exigency in each of us, a need to be precise, honest, open, attentive… *17-7-1979, Auroville: There is so much talk, talk, talk… I can’t go on like this, I’ll have to withdraw again, it is maddening… I feel again as if I’m snared into some kind of asylum where everyone is having some peculiar “disease” that oddly, strangely contradicts an apparent equilibrium… I miss Patricia: since her return from Delhi she has not been feeling well, and I want to go visit her… … C.E and I drive over to Jipmer; Piero cannot talk, has to be fed with a pipe. Gl tells me she had recalled a dream D.M had some months ago, which she had told her then, of Piero being killed in his house… Where is the Reality? … We have our work-meeting in the office… Dayabhai and Talwar have been invited by Narad, who means to ask them to help with contacts for raising funds for Matrimandir… We discuss the program of work; Piero was able to give the calculations for the next concreting, but there is some resistance on the part of a few of us to do this particular concreting, as it marks the actual beginning of the casting of the sphere according to a design which they still do not favour. I only feel to do whatever Matrimandir asks us to do and I find these influences and preferences very disturbing, in subtle ways. D.W suggests that, given the circumstances, we might as well postpone it for a few days… *18-7-1979, Auroville: Seeing our shared commitment to honest, transparent and self-demanding dialogue, each one willing to be at one’s best as a mark of respect and appreciation of the others’ choices and experiences, it is so clear to me how the Grace has been acting throughout our lives; that their mingling was itself an act of Grace, that Grace presided over this inner choice that made us father and son, FJ and I… And I understand better now how, while I was still bent on self-destruction, it was hard for me to bear or even acknowledge these tokens of a certain conscious perfection leading my life, from within or from above…

*22-7-1979, Auroville: