journal d'une transition

215

several weeks, it seems… He tries to answer the stupid questions this corrupt policeman is throwing at him… And comes back to me the strange nightmare I had two nights ago, in which I had to be operated on and my mouth was stitched in two parts and there had been such a pain that it had wakened me up… …We have a meeting of the Guard this afternoon, in “Certitude”; it is very confused, a flurry of opinions, statements, guesses… I am almost trembling when I say: “do we ask ourselves why Mother’s force of protection was prevented to act…?”. There is silence. Then Gl calls me outside and tells me that I understand nothing, that I am blinded because we have not made a clear choice, we have let Kiran, Navajata’s own daughter, come close to us and the contagion is clouding us; she adds that Huta has told her that Miriam is a vital being and a danger for Auroville, and yet I have taken her in… As she talks, she gets more upset and is about to weep… I don’t know… To me, it is rather this belief in “lines” and “sides” and this need of division that endangers us, that traps us… Tonight after dinner P.G comes here, dejected: the people of “Aspiration” have asked him to make sure that Kiran is evicted, because through her we were exposed to the “contagion”… He’d refused and was unable to make himself understood… *11-7-1979, Auroville: I drove to Jipmer and spent the morning, with Gl, near Piero. The operation is delayed. While he is examined, Gl and I have an opportunity to adjust to each other again, from our inner bond; she has not understood at all the path I have been following… We try… *12-7-1979, Auroville: At the general meeting in “Tapoloka”, K.T is the only one who speaks in a way and from a place I can attune to; he sees the attempt on Piero’s life as a direct attempt to remove key elements from the work so as to disrupt and prevent the construction of Auroville’s Soul, and that we must rally and concentrate and call Your Force into our acts and lives… *14-7-1979, Auroville: Every day I go to Piero in Jipmer. Today C.E came with me. Piero was restless and tired; he hasn’t had solid food for several days now. Gl makes dramatic statements; she says that, uninvited, SSJ had come to visit Piero and she had been very hard on him, telling him he was largely responsible for what had happened – Huta has, it seems, pronounced on this and attributed occult responsibility to SSJ… Perhaps I am too opaque and insincere… But I cannot give in to these clear-cut views…! … Since a few days a number of people have started to come to Matrimandir; mostly they sit in the office and turn it into a chattering place; Cl and B.B, Dorothee, Myrtle, Diane, the children, all sit with Yus and Al.B; C.E. tells me that they do it from an instinctive urge to find shelter in some tangible sign of Your Presence… Perhaps it is so, and that feels good…

*15-7-1979, Auroville: