journal d'une transition

628

to expect any one of these politicians to utter the truth: not one of them can be honest anymore, without blowing apart the entire apparatus… But India has pronounced against the US action… I heard the news at 10 am: it is of course alarming; but somehow I also feel that this blunt stupidity, through all these confused issues, has the merit of being frankly what it is, no more and no less! Perhaps a lot of quick readjustments in the balances will take place and the perception of the world situation will evolve in unforeseen ways, allowing for new energies to flow…? It struck me, at the Kitchen tonight, how already a subtle alignment has occurred: there are those who rejoice over Reagan’s stance and fully approve of it… And, once more, there are no surprises here! … I took Samuel with me to see D.M; he is alright now, and it is good with him, although it is also obvious he goes through affective phases and is, in his own way, aware of his father’s absence, of Soaz’s questions, of my place near him, and perhaps even of their projected journey back to France – Soaz has received their tickets, but without any return fares, and she has begun to panic at the thought that her parents may intend to try and keep her and the kids away from Auroville… *16-4-1986, Auroville: I listened to the news on the radio, after the afternoon rest, and I felt like trying to write down some short essay on the general situation today, and the necessary steps to be taken to help the Change, by the Western countries; but I had no time to go beyond the introduction, as Soaz soon brought Samuel to me, and I drove back to “Ravena” with him and, later, to the beach, where he was quite happy and freely moving today, a joy to watch and be with… *17-4-1986, Auroville: This morning I decided not to linger in “Ravena”, once I had given all the instructions, and to return here early, without any moral sense of guilt, to go on with the writing of that short essay I intend to send to Jean Daniel, the main editor of the “Nouvel Observateur”, which I have now titled “Un Appel à l’Ouest”…

*18-4-1986, Auroville: Samuel is doing very well now. But I can already feel that… it will be hard for me to part from him, and I will miss him… And how will it be when, and if, he comes back…? But anyway, it is all Yours!

*19-4-1986, Auroville: I seem to have spent a long time, in my sleep, with You, and Satprem, and the Agenda team in Europe – and there were more misunderstandings, and there was Your constant love, always ready to pour, to soothe, to clear the way… … I want to help the undoing of the ego here, everywhere here in what I am; I can see and sense and feel how happy an egoless state must be! Happy in a true sense, of trusting, living, fulfilled surrender, beyond illusion, time and death, beyond all circumstances; and that really then one may begin to serve You and know Your company…!