journal d'une transition

720

A rounded integrity… … I have received a card from Kenneth from San Francisco, a picture of that wonderful bridge under which, he says, he hopes to sail soon, back to India…

*3-4-1987, Auroville: Physiologically, becoming aware means that the consciousness becomes also, in the beginning at least, more or less constantly occupied with the need for harmony in the organism, and there is such a complexity of incidents and events translated into sensations, up to pain; it is a jungle, and one has to learn everything… *4-4-1987, Auroville: N arrived late this morning, on foot, with his little son Nitya, rather distressed and looking beat; he’d met with fresh trouble at home, his wife had somehow called his brother’s friends, four of them, who just went at him; he’d sent his children to his mother’s house… While he told me all that, he went into fits of sobbing; then he asked whether he could try and join Auroville and live on some Auroville land… I was always reluctant to invite him to try; I wanted him first to sort out his own orientations and to wait for some ripening… But I can’t be certain; perhaps the time has come? I told him to go and speak to Rama, whom I trust… I know that much of him is basically “inadapted” to the context of a Tamil village; he gets hurt from all sides, is constantly misunderstood and misjudged; but, to enter the way of Auroville, a lot must be sifted through…! … I am having a good seat to watch, in myself, the selfishness of human “affections”! How it is really all a bargain, blindly self-interested usually on both the sides! And I keep catching myself at it, in my relationship with N… Yet it also seems to evolve and to contain something genuine… *5-4-1987, Auroville: I did the asanas very early – the point of dawn seems to be a most favourable time – and left around 6 am to go to the old temple in Irumbai. I had promised Y that I would attend his marriage, as I knew it truly mattered to him and it wouldn’t be a social thing. This temple, defaced and neglected, has yet retained something of its original atmosphere; the ceremony was set at its inner door, a very poor ceremony - even so Y has had to borrow heavily and will be in debts for more than a year – led by a dirty, hairy, raucous Brahmin, with general attempts at dignity, and much emotion on Y’s part; the bride is a very young, robust and rather beautiful girl; the audience was largely matter-of-fact and indifferent, but Y’s mother was thoroughly engrossed and very sweet and lovely and proud; I took pictures and stayed a while; as people there knew me I was not bothered at all… … I met Larry at his house, as planned, tonight. He has changed. He seems to now truly care for “Ravena” and to want it to be completed and willing to do everything he can to see that it happens, even considering advancing his own money if he sees, once in the US, that funds are forthcoming… He is determined to get Ed to repay the money he owes, and also to try and get the funds that have been blocked in Janaka’s Accounts; so I could feel a supportive attitude coming from him, and that makes a difference.