of confusion when your judgment is clouded, an instant of
blind aggressiveness. In any case, a person with a wish to
disappear will never know if she came close to acting on the
idea or not.
In a town where I spent several of my summer vacations a
few years ago, I met a woman who certainly had many
reasons for detesting life: a husband who abused her,
economic problems, depression, and a long list of
misfortunes. More than once, as she wept in despair, she
voiced this curious sentence, “I swear, if the train came
through this town, I’d have already thrown myself under it!”
And yet, the train passed through the next town over. She
had only to walk four kilometers.
I have lunch with my friend O. For days I’ve been asking
her for books on the grieving process; I want to know
what’s in store. Today she remembered and when we’re
saying goodbye, she pulls something out of her bag.
“I brought you what you asked for the other day,” she says.
“Ah, great!” I reply, thinking that today I’ll have reading
material to fill the sweet truce of night.
But it’s only two sheets of paper, two sheets with the title: