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that
Strasse
as if towards a test point where I can check
with a simple physical touch whether I really am moving or
whether I’m dreaming under hypnosis, or both, or most
likely some third possibility, or whether I really am fighting
my way towards the goal I have set for myself.
>>>
I began to entertain the thought of saying “to hell with all
this” and going out and having fun with
his
money.
Whatever
his
means is a different story, but now isn’t the
time for that, not tonight.
Right then, that night, at 8 pm as I left the Hotel Hamburg,
I was sure that this long day would end by midnight at the
latest and with a girl, paid for with cash. Or better yet, with
two hired girls. And I would pay them more than I had to,
because it would be his money. The booth with the red
ceiling and the neon lights was merely a rehearsal. So that I
would later be able to last longer with real girls, with
prostitutes – I’m not going to come fast, I told myself. And
so on.
Those were my plans at eight.