STACK July 2017 Issue 153

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To make the plot of Transformers: The
Last Knight easier for you to understand
than it was for us, you need to know
that King Arthur and his Knights of the Round
Table – along with the wizard Merlin (played
by Stanley Tucci, mind you) – actually had
their power bestowed upon them by an
ancient race of Transformers, via the Staff of
Quintessa.
Cade Yeager (Mark Wahlberg) is now in
hiding with a group of Autobots he's rescued
and winds up in possession of a strange
amulet that binds itself to his body. He also
adopts an orphaned girl, Izabella (Isabela
Moner), who knows her way around a toolbox
and has an attitude to match.
Yeager ends up crossing paths with English
mare Vivian (Laura Haddock), who, as it turns
out, is the last living descendant of Merlin.
She's been recruited to the cause by Sir
Edmund Burton (Anthony Hopkins), a bound
secret keeper for the Transformers and their
presence here on Earth.
When old Optimus Prime finally reaches
RELEASED: June 8 DIRECTOR: Alex Kurtzman
CAST: Tom Cruise, Russell Crowe, Sofia Boutella,
Annabelle Wallis RATING: M
A mummy movie starring Tom Cruise. Russell
Crowe as Dr. Jekyll. The prospect of "a new
world of gods and monsters" under Universal's
new 'Dark Universe' banner. It's hard not to be
cynical about this move to resurrect the studio's
iconic monsters as part of a Marvel-like shared
universe. The Mummy gets things off to a bumpy
start with a new take on the legendary creature
that's far removed from the 1932 original and
Brendan Fraser remake. The Egyptian in question
is Princess Ahmanet (Boutella) – mummified
alive for an unspeakable crime and unearthed
in the present day by Cruise's soldier of fortune.
Now on the loose in London, Ahmanet seeks an
ancient gem that will summon the God of Death,
and Cruise is her chosen vessel. Enter Dr. Jekyll,
a specialist in the nature of evil who intends to
capture the mummy for his experiments. With
a lab full of arcane artifacts, he's destined to
become the Nick Fury of this Dark Universe. It's
basically Mummy: Impossible, but more monster
movie than Tom Cruise actioner. Horror fans will
find plenty to enjoy, with nods to The Exorcist and
An American Werewolf in London. However, the
film it most closely resembles is Tobe Hooper's
insane Lifeforce – sans the nudity and crazy
tone. An uneasy mix of olde worlde horrors and
contemporary blockbuster razzmatazz, the creation
of this new Dark Universe isn't exactly a big bang,
but neither is it a whimper. Scott Hocking
THE MUMMY
When last we met, the dastardly Gru (Steve
Carell) had been turned to the side of good by
new wife Lucy (Kristen Wiig), as well as his
trio of adopted “leetle gorls”. But is Gru really
a changed grump, or is it a case of once a bad
guy, always a bad guy? Enter shoulder-padded
supervillain Balthazar Bratt (Trey Parker) – a
former ’80s child star who’s lost track of the line
between his TV role and real life. Yes, he’s bad,
really bad, and he’s got the explosive bubble gum
to prove it! Gru is still under the employ of the
Anti-Villain League, until a failed takedown of
Bratt sees both he and Lucy sacked. Then comes
word that Gru has a twin brother, named Dru (also
Carell), who’s everything that Gru isn’t – rich,
stylish and, well, not bald. But he’s been a failure
in the family business of evilness, and wants to
tempt Gru back into the life. Will our anti-antihero
succumb to the temptation? While Despicable
Me 2 didn’t quite get the balance right in keeping
adults and kids equally amused throughout, this
third outing is more bang-on. From choice ’80s
cuts (Michael Jackson, Madonna, A-ha, Nena)
bumping it with new Pharrell tracks, plenty of
genuinely clever-funny era-related gags (thank
you, Van Halen) and just the right amount of
slapstick, Despicable Me 3 is genuinely superb
all-family entertainment. Amy Flower
DESPICABLE ME 3
RELEASED: June 15 DIRECTORS: Kyle Balda,
Pierre Coffin CAST: Steve Carell, Kristen Wiig,
Steve Coogan RATING: PG
A Knight to forget.
TRANSFORMERS:
THE LAST KNIGHT
RELEASED: June 22
DIRECTORS: Michael Bay
CAST: Mark Wahlberg, Laura
Haddock, Anthony Hopkins
RATING: M
016 JULY 2017
RATING KEY:
Wow!
Good
Not bad
Meh Woof!
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Cybertron (following the events of Age of
Extinction), he's brainwashed by Quintessa to
take over the Earth and plunder its resources
to rebuild his home planet. Vivian and Cade
therefore become humanity's last hope.
If all this sounds messy, that's because
it is. Bad writing and bored actors suggest
that at some point during the last ten years,
the Transformers franchise has lost its way.
Events in The Last Knight seem to exist
solely to serve a plot that can't even decide
who the antagonist actually is. Megatron is
no longer threatening, and changing the voice
actor does him no favours. Even cameos
from Simmons (John Turturro) and Lennox
(Josh Duhamel) can't save this one.
Transformers: The Last Knight is a Michael
Bay movie, which means lots of wide sunset
shots, a pounding soundtrack, chaotic editing,
and more pyrotechnics than New Year's Eve
in Sydney. The robots themselves still look
great, but some of the smaller-scale CGI stuff
appears slightly rushed.
If the franchise is to continue, Bay will
have to start scouring for more obscure
historical events to
attribute to the
Autobots and
Decepticons. And
if the post-credits
scene is anything to
go by, this doesn't appear to be the end for
these robots in disguise. Sigh. Alesha Kolbe