The Gazette 1981

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GAZETTE SEPTEMBER 1981
Matrimonial
Problems
Counselling —
Another Option?
A Solicitor's Comment
(by a practising Solicitor who is also a mariage counsellor)
ALL practitioners are conscious of an astronomical
increase in the number of marital problems where
legal advice is sought. This is shown by the great increase
in matrimonial cases coming before the courts. As
lawyers, we are faced with a dilemma when dealing with
such cases because the pressure of work and time
precludes the care and attention needed to promote the
welfare of the whole family. In the interests of our own
practices, we cannot afford to spend a disproportionate
amount of time on cases which are often financially
unrewarding because of the particular social
circumstances.
I think it is the experience of most lawyers dealing with
this type of work that frequently a client who requests a
legal separation is in reality pleading for help to sort out a
problem which has evolved in the marriage. If a solicitor's
letter issues, a process is started which makes it more
difficult for the parties concerned to reconsider their
positions and to work towards a reconciliation. For this
reason, it is important for the solicitors acting for each of
the parties not to start the legal process or to permit the
legal process to continue, unless the circumstances of the
case clearly leave no option and each solicitor is satisfied
that his client truly wants to bring about the consequences
of such legal process.
It is remarkable how many people will reconsider the
breaking up of their marriages if they are made aware of
the consequences, particularly if they are the party who
may lose custody of the children or who may be barred
from the family home. On the other hand, it is obvious
that there are cases where it is vital that the legal remedies
available be obtained as quickly as possible, for example,
to save the parties inflicting injury on each other or where
there is little, if any, prospect of reconciliation.
At the heart of the dilemma is the time-consuming
nature of the work. As a profession, there is one danger
which we must guard against — the danger that through
our actions a family may be broken up unnecessarily.
Separation may not be the consequence if more time
could be given to the underlying reasons for the problem
which has arisen.
A marriage counsellor can and does give the time
which the busy legal practitioner cannot give without
damaging the interests of other clients and of his or her
own practice. Marriage counsellors are trained to assist
people in viewing their situations objectively, so that any
decisions are made with more confidence that they will be
acceptable in the longer term. A counsellor can also
support a client through a difficult period in his or her life,
as for example, during the time it takes to obtain relief
from the Courts. Therefore, the plea is that solicitors
should be at all times conscious of the role that a marriage
counsellor might play in a possible family breakdown
case, and be aware of the location of the nearest available
marriage counselling service.
A Marriage Counsellor's
Comment
(by a Counsel lor with the Catholic Marriage Advisory
Council)
Two conditions seem to be common to most people
when they are under strain, .particularly emotional stress
of a personal nature. One is that they fail to see the wood
for the trees and they lose their sense of perspective; the
other is that they tend to seek a one-shot solution, one
single act or event that will cut the Gordian knot of
personal tension. I imagine many solicitors are familiar
with the client who persists in reciting the copious details
of a recent incident, which does very little to illuminate
the necessary background upon which a professional
judgment must be based. There may be also an unreal
belief in the existence of legislation, tailormade to fit a
particular situation, which will enable the practitioner to
respond immediately and effectively, to wave a
metaphorical magic wand.
The role of the marriage counsellor is to help people
regain their sense of proportion and to help them consider
options before making a decision. Through reflective
discussion, the counsellor encourages the client to
approach the same situation from different aspects, the
better to understand the contributions made to its
development by the client himself or herself and by other
significant members of the family. Comparison with
previous and subsequent experience often results in the
emergence of tentative patterns, which can be used later
in thinking about options to predict possible reactions.
This process may take place at a number of levels, and
the counsellor is striving all the time to work at the level of
feelings. Sometimes unconscious resistance by the client
means that other modes of expression have to be worked
through before a useful discussion of feelings can be
achieved. The aim is to secure aceptance without striving
for understanding — identification and acceptance by the
client of his or her own feelings as well as acceptance that
others may legitimately experience contrasting emotions.
The counsellor participates as a real live person and has
opportunities to model calm acceptance of reactions that
are not readily understandable. If the client appreciates
indirectly that feelings are human responses for which we
are not always responsible, that feelings are influenced by
many factors, both innate and learned, he or she is in a
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