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Illinois Issues pension ______________________________________
Patrick that we ought to withhold candy from the
leaders of the class until the problem is settled.”
That’s what’s called a mob mentality, John Q.
Would you really want any class president to have so
much power that he or she could force the class to
do anything — anything — by refusing to pass out
candy? That’s not how our class was set up, even if
Patrick thinks he’s found a loophole.
[SILENCE]
OK, someone else? Ralph?
“I think we should all chip in a little bit and pay
the old, retired workers what we owe them.”
“B-o-o-o-o-o!” “No way!” “Goody-two-shoes!”
“We’ve given them enough already!” “Not out of my
lunchbox!”
Class!! Class!! We’re back to a mob scene,
again. Let’s treat Ralph and everybody else with
some respect. I’m sure we’ll consider his ideas.
Right, Patrick? Right, John? Right, Mike?
“Nope.” “Not me.” “No way, Jose!”
Well, at least you three agree on something.
Henry, we haven’t heard anything from you.
“The noble, old retirees were promised that
money for slaving all of those years under the whips
of their cruel masters. A promise is a promise is a
promise is a promise is a promise …”
OK, Henry we get your point, even if it is a bit
embellished. How many of you agree with Henry?
Let’s have a show of hands this time — don’t shout
out!
One, two, three … A lot of people keep raising
their hands, then taking them down. Why are you
doing that?
“We’re trying to figure out who — Henry or Ty or
Mike or John — will give us more candy if we ever
decide to run for a class office.”
I can’t see who said that. Would you please
identify yourself?
[SILENCE]
OK. It’s clear we can’t do anything with such a
big group. Kwame, why don’t you and Elaine take a
couple of your classmates over there in the corner
and see if you can solve the problem in a way that
everyone can live with. Yes, Patrick?
“I just want to tell them they have to be finished
by tomorrow!”
That’s not for you to decide, Patrick. Yes, Ty,
what do you want now?
“I want to say that I really didn’t say what I said
about talking to other teachers and giving the class
bad grades.”
But that is what you said … oh, never mind; the
bell’s about to ring, anyway. OK, children, what did
we learn today? We haven’t heard from you, Abe.
What’s your honest opinion?
“Discourage litigation. Persuade your neighbors
to compromise whenever you can. Point out to them
how the nominal winner is often a real loser — in
fees, expenses and waste of time.”
Well said, Abe. Everyone, you could do worse
than abiding by those words. Class dismissed.
Patrick, Mike, John — don’t run in the halls!!
Illinois Issues, September 2013
(Continued from page 8)
Dana Heupel is the executive
editor of
Illinois Issues
and
director of publications for the
Center for State Policy and
Leadership at the University
of Illinois Springfield (UIS). He
oversees all aspects of the
magazine and the other
center publications. Before
being named to the position in
January 2008, he covered
Illinois state government as a reporter and editor for
GateHouse News Service and Copley News
Service. He also has served as city editor of the
(Springfield) State Journal-Register; the Fresno
(Calif.) Bee; the (Fort Wayne, Ind.) Journal-Gazette;
and the (Kendallville, Ind.) News-Sun, and assistant
city editor for the Indianapolis Star.
Among various honors, he conceived and
coordinated a newspaper series on the relationship
between campaign contributions and Illinois state
contracts that won the national George Polk Award
for Political Reporting, and he was named Illinois
Associated Press Member of the Year for
coordinating a statewide open records project. He
holds a journalism degree from Indiana University.
Illinois Issues
is a not-for-profit monthly magazine
that has been produced by UIS (formerly Sangamon
State University) since 1975 and is dedicated to
providing fresh, provocative analysis of public policy
in Illinois. It is widely considered to be the state’s
leading public policy periodical. Heupel’s column
and the photo are reprinted here with permission
from
Illinois Issues.
