STACK Issue 151 May 2017

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This month at JB Hi-Fi, exponents of female empowerment go head to head with men behaving badly – and
heroically – in a super promotion.Whether they’re beating the system or each other, there’s something here for
everyone, and we decided to have a bit of fun and stage some unlikely match-ups with the range of titles on
offer. So place your bets on some of the strangest showdowns you’ll ever find in a DVD dumpbin…
32 MAY 2017
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BAD MOMS
vs. BAD
NEIGHBOURS
Who would win in the ultimate
BAD-OFF between a house full
of rowdy frat boys and a trio of
overworked and underappreciated
mothers desperate to cut loose?
When it comes down to who can
party the hardest, a fraternity has
the edge – it’s what they do, after all – but don’t underestimate the moms, who don’t get
out much, have a lot of catching up to do, and are likely to cram more fun into a big night
out – and match the boys when it comes to lewd and crude behaviour. It’s quality over
quantity in this case.
WINNER: Bad Moms
BATMAN V
SUPERMAN vs.
DEADPOOL
The ultimate meeting of comic
book universes will never happen
on the screen but it’s still a
tantalising prospect to imagine,
even if the outcome would be
somewhat predictable. We
already know that the mere mention of a mother’s name can quickly end a smackdown
between the Dark Knight and the Man of Steel – a fact the Merc with the Mouth would
undoubtedly use to his advantage (“Who’s your mommy, Batman?”). Deadpool might score
the first blow but let’s not forget that the DC duo has the Wonder Woman on their side,
and Deadpool is, after all, just a bad, bad boy.
WINNER: Batman v Superman
THELMA &
LOUISE vs.
FAST AND
FURIOUS 7
Fearless gal pals Thelma and
Louise have the freedom of the
open road and a ’66 Thunderbird,
as well as a mutual distrust of bad
boys. FF7 is full of cool cars and bad, bad boys but it also has its share of wonder women,
which gives it the edge in this bout. And if Dom and Letty drove off a cliff, they’d either
glide right over to the other side or simply brush off the dust when they hit the bottom.
WINNER: Fast and Furious 7
LUCY vs.
TERMINATOR
GENISYS
Scarlett Johannson has had
plenty of kick-ass experience in
the MCU, but as Lucy she’s an
unstoppable, all-powerful super-
being with the accumulated
knowledge of the universe and
mastery over the space-time
continuum. How can you beat something like that? Despite Genisys having an ace up its
sleeve in the form of Emilia Clarke – who’s not only Sarah Connor but also the Khaleesi
– this clash is a strictly one-sided affair. Metaphysics beats everyday physics every time.
WINNER: Lucy
SPY vs.
KINGSMAN:
THE SECRET
SERVICE
They’re both in the spying game
but Taron Edgerton’s Eggsy
would probably think twice
before going head to head
with the force of nature that is
Melissa McCarthy’s Susan Cooper. Firing bullets and one-liners with equal rapidity, this
former CIA trainee turned desk jockey turned globetrotting secret agent can even silence
the mighty Jason Statham! Alpha males beware – the Kingsman might have history on
his side, but this Spy has heart.
WINNER: Spy
STRAIGHT
OUTTA
COMPTON vs.
THE SOUND
OF MUSIC
We’ve saved the best – and
most ridiculous – for last.
However, it’s more than just a
musical battle between NWA
rap and the timeless tunes of
Rodgers and Hammerstein. The L.A. group may have revolutionised hip hop culture and
put the ‘hood on the map, but the indomitable Maria stood up to a Mother Superior,
nannied the Von Trapp brood and climbed ev’ry mountain, without missing a beat. And
the burning question still remains: How do you solve a problem like Maria?
WINNER: The Sound of Music
• Check out the other titles in the Wonder Women vs. Bad Bad Boys range at JB Hi-Fi. We’ll leave it up to you to decide which ones will duke it out for your dollar.