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GAZETTE
JULY 1995
Proactive people work on the things
they can do something about, that is
within their Circle of Influence. The
nature of their energy is positive,
enlarging and magnifying, causing
their Circle of Influence to increase.
Reactive people, on the other hand,
focus their efforts in the Circle of
Concern. They focus on the
weaknesses of other people, the
problems in the environment, and the
circumstances over which they have
no control. The negative energy
generated by this focus, combined
with neglect in areas they could do
something about, causes their Circle
o f Influence to shrink. We must try to
live within our Circle of Influence.
Remember, you can't change the past
but you can ruin a perfectly good
present by worrying about the future.
The Circle of Influence: altering
demands/changing the situation
Most of us become aware of stress
when it is acute and we attempt to
cope when we are already
experiencing symptoms. A proactive
approach involves planning in
advance and seeking to prevent stress
by altering the demands which are
placed upon us. Ask yourself "Is there
anything I can do to change the
situation to avoid or reduce stress?"
The following examples and
techniques illustrate this approach to
stress management.
1. Deal with overload
Many people find themselves
struggling to achieve more and more
in less and less time. The solicitor, for
example, may find himself seeing
more clients, taking on extra activities
and struggling to keep up with
developments. In addition, he may
find himself agreeing to do things for
others which only increases the load.
2. Learn to say no
Most of us go through life operating
under Myth of Obligation. We believe
that if someone makes a request of us
we are obligated to say " y e s ". We feel
that we do not have the right to say
" n o " and doing so makes us feel
guilty. However, if a person asks a
question they are usually prepared for
a " y e s" or a " no ". Ask for the request
in writing. This will give you time to
think and significantly cut down the
number of requests. B e especially
careful about agreeing to things on the
telephone, the bane of the solicitor's
life. There are five steps you can
follow which make saying " n o"
easier.
1. Ask yourself "how do I feel about
this request?" If you have a sinking
feeling in your stomach because
you do not want to do something,
this is an early sign that you need
to refuse.
2. Ask questions and find out what is
involved before you agree.
3. After you have collected
information about 1 and 2 above,
decide. Don't be rushed. If you
need to take time to think it over,
do so. If someone pressurises you
before you have had sufficient time
to consider, refuse.
4. Explain, don't use excuses. The
person may c ome back with a
solution for your problem (excuse).
An explanation says you would if
you could but you can't.
5. Stick to your original decision
even if the other person persists.
Use the broken record technique
" n o ", " no ", " no ". . .
3. Learn to delegate
One of the problems about high status
occupations is that asking for help can
be perceived as a sign of weakness. It
is easy to take on the role of "Super
Human". Many of us find ourselves
doing tasks which should be
delegated. This is particularly true of
people who feel everything must be
done perfectly and nobody can do it as
well as they themselves. Think of all
of the things you do and ask yourself
honestly, whether you are the person
who should be doing them. Trainee
managers in some major US firms are
pushed to increase their delegation by
one extra task per week. A simple
format for asking for help (having put
aside the need to be Super-human) is
'Here's my situation. . . and what I
need is. . .'
4. Identify the essential tasks
'What is the worst thing that would
happen if I didn't get this done? How
important is this meeting? Is it
necessary for me to see clients at this
rate or could I reduce the number of
meetings? How is this activity
progressing my goals in the longer
term?
5. Avoid what can be avoided
Can the stressful situation be avoided
entirely. Do I need the hassle of being
involved in this or should I resign
from the committee and free up time
for other things? Can I reduce the
stress of driving by avoiding rush
hour? Can I schedule my "heartsink"
clients for early in the day so that I do
not spend the day with a sense of
foreboding?
6. Learn how to confront people
Most of us feel uncomfortable when
we think about confronting another
person. Very often we don't have the
skills to do it graciously and
effectively. A situation may fester
over a long period and the eventual
confrontation may be explosive. The
management consultant,
Barbara
Braham,
suggests the D E AR
technique for constructive
confrontation.
D - Describe the situation as
objectively as possible
E - Express your feelings and take
responsibility for them
A - Ask specifically for what you
need
R - Reinforce the other person by
saying thank you.
7. Set goals
There is an old saying that many people
aim at nothing and hit their targets with
remarkable precision. Establishing
goals in each major area of your life
can significantly reduce your level of
stress. Only by having goals can you
determine what is important and what is
not. For example, you may be seeing
too many clients and be feeling
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