journal d'une transition

210

pond and the bunds not neat anymore; then C.E turns to me, I answer to him, we join our steps and enter time together as in a dance, faithful to our bond and moving forward even when all seems grey and unpromising…

*23-6-1979, Auroville: … Both P.G and G.M have liked, and agreed to the draft I have made of a letter to Madanlal. At tea-break, Th sits with me and talks and talks; he is full of hope now; I remind him we have to go one step at a time and choose only and always those points we canal agree upon… He seems to understand… I aspire to open to a perception for which no veils and no guises exist, a perception that sees and knows directly without words; it is there, I am certain of it, somewhere above or within… Oh! To move and act in the freedom of it, to say or do only what needs to be said or done…! These days there seem to be only twisted movements all around, nothing comes straight, nothing is honest, nothing is simple, and nothing is calm… But we can still laugh! *24-6-1979, Auroville: Joss came here this afternoon, needing to talk and looking for help, perhaps from the Guard… There have been lots of incidents of harassment lately, strange thefts have taken place in and around “Certitude” and, a few days ago Christiane, who stays at his place, was attacked in the night by a very weird man, and was taken to the hospital with a broken jaw… P.G joins us… It is difficult to discern an action we could commit to, we are so scattered physically, over the entire area of Auroville, and there is so much disunity among us all; the police is corrupt… Yet one cannot just seek a “spiritual” answer, something has to be manifested, expressed, materialised… But I’m not even able to realise what exactly we are dealing with… The ideal You have set before of us seems to be deprived of its power by the very limitations of our nature, by the refusal to lead a disciplined life, by the absence of some very basic commitments… … I still get trapped sometimes by the power C.E has over me, because I am so attached to his presence, he has grown so dear to me and I have come to rely so much upon the relationship we have established that, at times – too often – I compromise and seek to appease; and then I feel dishonest with myself and I loose my balance… *25-6-1979, Auroville: Early this morning, Miriam arrived! She’d packed an auto-rickshaw with all her things, left “Golconde” and decided to move in here with us – she hadn’t said a thing about it! … G.M has insisted that I should attend the meeting of the “5” at Matrimandir… Finally I accepted, seeing it as an opportunity to obtain a wider and more substantial agreement among us… G.M, Bill S, D.S, Ruud, Piero, P.G and I gather in the office. Ruud and D.S had wanted to rush and get the steel and move ahead with the work; P.G, G.M and I had to repeat over and over again that “yes” does not mean to run blindly and forego of our discernment… I read my draft for Madanlal, everyone is ready to sign it now, except Ruud and D.S who say they still