STACK Magazine December Issue 122

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GAMES
DECEMBER 2014 JB Hi-Fi
FEATURE
044
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Christmas: It’s the time when your uncle drinks more than he should and
makes a pass at your neighbour, you eat a hot roast dinner on a 35 degree
day, and somebody always forgets to buy batteries for the one present you
really want to play with.
Invariably we all have a horror story to recall, so this month we asked the
STACK staff to regale us with a video game nasty from Christmas past.
Almost two years after the Nintendo 64 launched, a close friend – notoriously cautious
with money – finally ‘allowed’ himself to buy one for Christmas. I turned up on Christmas
night festooned with gifts and liquor. I knew he was too tight to buy games, so I brought
him a bag of cartridges to work his way through. His brand new unboxed N64 sat on the
floor, gleaming like the Chachapoyan Fertility Idol in Raiders of the Lost Ark, ready for me,
the gamer in the crew, to eventually plug in and set up. A few hours in, the wine intake
had far exceeded the government recommended levels, and I distinctly remember thinking
I shouldn’t put the recently opened bottle of red down so close to the console. But I did.
Ten inebriated minutes later, my wayward leg assisted in the dispensing of approximately
300mls of Barossa Shiraz directly into the cartridge slot and vent of the N64. It was dead. I
ruined my friend’s Christmas present and was left with a $200 bill.
As the reigning high score Pac-Man champ at my local pizza shop, the prospect of playing
the game at home on the NES over the summer holidays was like every Christmas coming
at once. Provided Santa delivered, that is. Well, he did and he didn’t. Note to the fat fella
– Ms. Pac-Man is NOT the same thing. Not only is it for girls (the gender-specific dot
muncher even has a bow in her hair), the maze designs are subtly different and the ghosts
are more independent, rendering my memorised Pac-Man routes completely useless!
Moreover, the fruit isn’t centred – it bounces about the screen like a pinball. In a nutshell,
Ms. Pac-Man was useless to me. But it didn’t ruin Christmas; I chose instead to feed
myself with turkey and pudding rather than power pills and fruit. And the cash gifts from
aunts and uncles ultimately went towards the original. Game Over girl!