Newbury Weekly News

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Thursday, May 11, 2017
I AM very fortunate. I have a
happy life, a loving family,
caring friends and have
enjoyed a successful career.
Most people who know me would
describe me as a fun-loving
person who can be the life and
soul of the party.
However, I have hidden from
everybody in my life a mental
health issue that has troubled me
for over 30 years.
When I say everybody… I do
mean absolutely everybody.
I chose to suffer in silence
because I felt embarrassed to
admit my fears and was scared
that I would lose my job.
I felt that I would be looked at
differently, was embarrassed and
would be discriminated against
for not being ‘normal’.
I will never forget September 2,
1986, and describe it as one of the
worst days of my life.
I was helping to interview
somebody and suddenly became
so anxious I couldn’t breathe.
I pretended that I felt faint to
disguise what was really going
on and did exactly the same the
following day in similar
circumstances.
Little did I know then that I
would continue to mask and hide
similar feelings of anxiety for the
next 30 years.
On September 4, 1986 (only two
days later), I attended a
wonderful wedding with my
closest family and friends.
Their memory of me that day
would be of me acting the clown
and pretending to get out of a
swimming pool fully clothed.
My only memory of that day was
thinking that my promising
career was over at only 24 years
old and that I was going ‘mental’.
You just can’t tell by looking at
someone how they are feeling
inside.
The miserable-looking guy who
sits in the corner may be fine,
while the young lady with a
gorgeous smile may be thinking
that her life is no longer worth
living.
Back in 2004, a number of us
from Auto Trader went out
straight from work to watch an
England game in the Euros.
Our boss had put some money
behind the bar and I can
remember us all cheering
England to a rare victory.
What nobody noticed that
evening was the young lad who
decided to go home at half-time.
Young Ben didn’t turn up for
work the next day.
We never saw Ben again because
he chose to ‘hang himself ’ as life
was no longer bearable for him.
His closest colleagues were
shocked because he had been
laughing and joking only the day
before in the office.
How much must Ben have been
suffering inside?
Surrounded by many people but
he must have felt so very, very
alone.
I have been lucky that I have
never been anywhere near as
desperate as Ben must have been.
I have still thought of doing some
crazy things though.
I can still picture the roundabout
near Aylesbury in
Buckinghamshire where I
decided to crash my car into
another car on a roundabout
because it seemed a better option
than attending the meeting I was
going to.
I chose to not have that
deliberate accident and carried
on to my meeting, but this is the
point where some people
seriously self-harm themselves
or go even further.
I tried to get professional help
many years, but couldn’t find
anybody who I felt understood
my issues.
I discovered my own coping
mechanisms and, looking back
now, they have made me who I
am today.
From very early in my career I
have made all my touchpoints
with people very interactive.
This was not because I was the
pioneer of ‘engagement in the
workplace’ but because I was
fighting like crazy to mask an
anxiety disorder.
I also used creativity wherever
possible to help me avoid panic
attacks.
I became well known for giving
out tins of baked beans and for
my bouncy balls.
They created a brand that I was
pleased to own and it made
people laugh, but I would not
have gone down this road if it
was not for living with a mental
health issue.
Realistically, of course, this
anxiety disorder has held me
back from truly achieving my
full potential, but equally it has
made me who I am today and I
am proud of my achievements.
At least one in four of us will
suffer with a mental health issue
every year.
I actually believe that this figure
is much higher as males, in
particular, find it very difficult to
talk about stuff.
Is it any surprise that suicide is
now the biggest killer of men
under 45 years old?
I decided to talk for the first time
in 30 years about my anxiety
disorder because my former
employer, Auto Trader, gave me
the ideal platform during Mental
Health Awareness Week and are
doing their very best to reduce
the stigma of mental health in
our workplace.
I found it difficult but have been
truly humbled by the number of
people who related to my own
story.
Many of them have said that it
has inspired them to no longer
suffer in silence and they have
vowed to seek help.
My personal commitment is to
no longer hide my own anxiety
disorder and to do everything I
can to reduce the ignorance that
exists around a mental health
issue.
If you do suffer, please don’t wait
30 years like I did to speak out in
the workplace.
The longer you hold on to things
the heavier they become and this
suffering in silence can lead to
longer term mental health issues.
Please speak to somebody today
and no longer suffer in silence.
FOCUSONMENTALHEALTHAWARENESSWEEK
‘I hid mental health issue from everyone’
David Beeney, from Newbury,
now speaks at conferences and
has ready-made workshops for
employers who want to reduce
the stigma of mental health in
their workplace. He is also a
qualified mental health
counsellor. His website is
If you wish to contact Mr
Beeney to see how he can help
you or your business either
email davidbeeney@break-
or call
07572 211610.
David Beeney describes thefeelings ofdeepanxiety thathetoldnobody about because hefeltembarrassed andscared
Newbury Weekly News