334 / 1424
334
*30-7-1980, Auroville:
Marcia, G.M, No hand I drive down to “Auromodel” and join the others there to
watch and guard the ploughing of all the fields that the SAS is claiming through
Ram Singh; he has gone to get the police and they soon arrive in large numbers,
but they let us continue with the ploughing. There are many of us, some just
quietly watching or talking; others are sowing the seeds in the furrows… Some of
the talk veers again on the roles and attitude assumed increasingly by M.D and
Nicole who behave, it seems, as if they alone had the “true consciousness”… The
same old scheme and script, with different actors…!
The police tell us that up to 10 SAS cars had come to the Station to pick up
Jyotiprem, their “hero” – when 35 of them had beaten Patricia with sticks and torn
her clothes, an unarmed single woman… What is this?!!! What spirituality is that?
… Perhaps, seeing what I do not want, I become more aware of what I do want? I
feel a great urge not to get eaten up by whatever is happening, to re-source
myself, to be freed from any influences…
I look carefully, and I don’t think there is any hatred in me; a kind of disgust, yes,
and sometimes anger, or something akin to wrath, but no hatred…
Words like “pure” and “sincere” have been so… used…!
Oh, to be simple, to be one…!
And every time Someone, an ‘Avatar”, has taken a body, this has happened, this
dangerous illusion, this misuse, this betrayal…
… Near the Samadhi, I talk with Amal Kiran a little; I respect his point of view. But
we are alone, I think. And we must walk without fear and without reservation,
honestly, in simplicity…
*31-7-1980, Auroville:
Late in the night, two parallel dreams struck me with the intensity of the emotion
they carried. In one, Th and Shradhavan and two others were stopped on the road
near here, where the casuarinas grow, and I came upon them there and had to
pass them to reach “our people”… And I was at once in a state of need, the NEED
TO LOVE, and I wanted to communicate that need to them, there was an intense
inner weeping…
In the other dream, Jorgen and Vera have come to the house where we are staying,
G.M and I, determined to avenge themselves, to take it over, to throw us out… But,
as Jorgen comes closer, he is deeply overcome by a completely different feeling, a
sort of great attraction towards us and a movement to drop the whole thing and be
with us again, to love and to flow in that tenderness…
I meditate on what those dreams mean for me, in terms of choice, of my
participation to the “actions” that are more or less collectively elected, along with
the rhetoric…
And it all leads to… love… “Love” being the closest word available: a force, an
awareness that does not reject or ever seeks to eliminate, but has the power, the
discerning and loving power to see and lead every element to its true place and
function within the whole… And I realise that, within me, this is an orientation that
is becoming more and more constant…
*2-8-1980, Auroville:
Last night, while asleep, my body shifted precisely 90° so as to lie straight along
the North South axis… Why now?