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e Magazine.comLeaders who are connected in their
families do better in their organizations
than those who are not. We have seen
this over and over in our Extraordinary
Leadership Seminar. I have seen this
so many times that I am sure it will
someday be a scientific fact.
Like organizations, the community, and
the world, families are living, growing and
changing. How do we keep up with the
changes?
One of the best ways to keep the brain
flexible and able to change as needed is to
stay in contact with one’s family. The science
of family, family systems theory, tells us to
stay in contact with important relationships.
I have been watching for years as leaders do -
or do not - stay in contact with their families.
Families are always in flux. Someone is dying,
having a baby, getting married, or something.
In order to keep up with it all, the brain of
every individual is always making changes.
These changes involve new information and
new relationships. Old ones pass and new
ones develop. When one stays in contact
with that big organism we call the family, the
brain automatically takes it all in and makes
adjustments. These adjustments, not only for
the knowledge that someone new has been
added or taken away, but also for learning the
new relationships and how they will work,
mean that our brains make fundamental
changes. These changes, as we track our
relationships better, stay with us.
Many social scientists who have studied the
human brain believe that our brains developed
as social brains: as humans congregated into
families, then clans, and then villages, long,
long ago, the human brain grew in size. The
frontal cerebrum, just behind the forehead, is
larger than that of any of our close primate
relatives.The large size may have been needed
to deal with the social relationships we were
developing. It is not much of a leap to see
that, in the same way, the functioning as
well as the size of the brain will be affected
by social relationships. The most formative
of all the social groups that any of us belong
to is our family of origin. And the brain
formation continues as we form our own
nuclear families. Murray Bowen, in his
theory about the family, saw it as a system
that is greatly influenced by the emotional
states of its members. He hypothesized that
people who stayed in contact with their
important relationship units would do better
in life than those who did not. In fact, in the
consulting room, he, and those of us since,
have seen the prediction born out. As people
get in touch with their families of origin and
improve relationships within their present
families, they drop symptoms, report greater
inner calm and stability, and gain energy to
go toward their goals.
Staying in touch involves, among other
things, being present and accounted for at
important family events. Weddings, funerals,
and christenings have become the stuff of
many absorbing stories as people tell of the
connections they have made there.
Being Present and Accountable
Family, Brain, Organization
ROBERTA GILBERT
Systems Thinking
As people are intentional and careful
about staying in relationships with
various people in their family, they
begin to be looked upon as a family
leader. People want to be around them.
They want to know what they think.
This defines a high-level leader.
The abilities that the brain develops in these
activities translate to leadership talent at
work and elsewhere. It is not so much that
we lead others, as it is managing ourselves
in a way that others want to see what we
are up to. So, getting in good contact with
family members (some of whom may have
been sadly neglected) becomes a little-known
but highly efficient way toward becoming the
kind of leader we would all like to be.
Dr. Roberta Gilbert, in addition to maintaining a private
psychiatric practice, is a faculty member of the Bowen
Center for the Study of the Family and the founder of
the Center for the Study of Human Systems (www.
hsystems.org), author, and speaker. She works with
business leaders, pastors, and therapists, particularly in
Bowen family systems theory for individuals, families,
and organizations.