67 292
67
ablation
chapter v - Depression
D
epression. I waited
for it, I imagined it,
I designed it, and
then I forgot about it. The
fact that it was prepared
for changed nothing when
it came. It was l ike an
irritation on your skin after
taking certain medications.
Eruption of spots, abnormal
redness, exacerbated jitters.
I slept, more or less. I had
become used to fighting my
demons all day and all night.
In this state, I was available. I
didn’t doubt myself that the
fall would happen so slowly,
without noise and without
clamor.
One morning, it came to me
without warning. I woke up,
then, seated on the edge of
my bed, I realized I couldn’t
move. It was as if something
held me back. Unable to
move, to get up and to go,
like every other day, to the
bathroom and then the
kitchen to make cof fee.
Time passed. I looked at the
floor, the carpet, the sheets,
objects around me. Some
unread newspapers lay on
the floor along with an open
book and some black velvet
heels, embroidered with
my monogram. Catherine
had given them to me for a
laugh — I kept them because
I liked them. They were worn
out but I couldn’t part with
them. For a good hour, I
thought about those heels
that I wore as slippers. My
spirit was empty, my head
heavy. My arms sank to my
sides. It was a pain to move
my hands. I read the title of