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with poison and contradiction, and the other way, to trust the growth, to cling to
That, to have faith in the material Divine, to give up fears and doubts…
It is one of those few meetings that give their value to all the others, where each of
us is asked to be at the best and the highest of oneself. There is wavering and
attachment to the old way of condemn, and all these intricacies of ideals and
arguments… And there is something else, the way to a real cohesion, strength and
realisation… For once I speak up several times, as briefly and truthfully as I can…
It is one of those instances when one can measure one’s individual progress and
acquired balance and clarity of perception, as well as the collective progress, the
light we are able to hold as a group, the degree of our opening.
At one point, after a heavy thrust of negative questioning, it looks like this will just
be one more attempt that fails; but somehow it straightens up again, alive, with
perhaps a little deeper and firmer determination to follow the thread till we outgrow
this climate of distrust and ambiguity…
*5-1-1979, Auroville:
… If we perceive this entire manifested world as the Lord, how can we ever ask Him
to take possession of us?
Are we then asking his highest Force and Consciousness to descend and fill His own
frustrated physical being?
*6-1-1979, Auroville:
At break, Gl shared with me an odd piece of information: the mass suicide that took
place in Guyana about two months ago – about 9OO people died. It actually
happened on the 17
th
of November. And they had all been repeating some mantra
to the Universal Mother. Moreover the setting was in the very part of Guyana where
Satprem had himself spent one year, long ago…
*7-1-1979, Auroville:
Last night my first dream was so difficult, that I woke up immediately after. There
is a room representing the earth and someone in it is having an experience; this
room is just like our little room upstairs; this person I am, but it is also a woman;
she enters the experience about the earth: how, in what state it was created and
for what… And I become anxious because someone is approaching from the outside
and trying to see inside. I hide myself, holding the curtain, and going on living the
experience, trusting in my integrity and the protection it gives me, until that person
outside really tries to enter and starts pushing the curtain. It is an awful sensation,
of such an extreme intrusion… I shout. And the scene tips over; there is only a man
in an indifferent space… As I now write it down, I am aware of missing the sense of
it…
*8-1-1979, Auroville:
… I can’t overcome this… As if someone or something had full right and power to
ruin and demolish my dream of beauty… What is it?
I want to be among people who are rich in their bodies, whose substance is
coherent, inhabited, pulsating, warm and strong, whose eyes and smile say their
soul’s love and nearness… O Mother, how crippled is the human fact…!