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him that no trees will need watering for some time… But then I must watch my
temper more than his actions, for there is again that matter of my “controlling ego”
that I’m still gratified with…!
… After seeing the work in the canyon, we sit inside. I’m overwhelmed, grateful
with the sweet intense beauty and intimate presence in the house, the flowers in
their vases, the fire, the oil lamps, the play of light on the stones, the life of the
wood…
… Nat comes up to sit with me quietly and asks whether I think it will be possible
for him and his family to move here in a few months’ time…; this has matured in
him for a while; he suggests that I fix the open garden house for them…
… When we go to the Kitchen in the evening after the audition of the Agenda, we
find many people gathered there attending some kind of a healing session
conducted by an American visitor: J.G is lying on a table for the “demonstration”…
Even before reaching the door I feel disgust; there is something repulsive in the
atmosphere, and in this “tamasic” attitude that welcomes anything “interesting”
without any deeper discrimination or discernment… The healer guy is not himself to
blame, yet I feel like punching him! This wide, blank “opening” in us here is…
discouraging!
*22-12-1978, Auroville:
After most of the day in Pondy – a rodeo to get my driving-license, doing purchases
with C.E, loading the cart, arguing and twice getting reconciled and laughing -, I
returned the bike to “Abri”. Walking back home, I met Patricia and F.Gr on the way;
F.Gr tells me that, now that he has completed his model of the Matrimandir area
with its gardens, Piero is raising all kinds of objections and doubts and
uncertainties…; I can only advise him to concentrate and do it for its own sake and
not to worry about anyone’s fears…
*25-12-1978, Auroville:
For the first time in my life I can live this “desire” without shame and it is not
humiliating any more – it is open, straight and quiet and leaves no stains; both of
us learn to live everything in the light, to free ourselves from subconscious
pressures that pervert the perception of the whole and of That, the Real… I do not
know how it will evolve or change; how could I know?!
I cycled down to “Aspiration” again and found Nicole in her house; we talked
quietly; she tells me that she now realises that this “Aspiration movement” with her
presence in it to guarantee Satprem’s seal was partial, limited, narrow and actually
detrimental… To hear that from her is quite a relief. We have all suffered from this.
But I was myself so entangled in my own lack of trust in my own perceptions that I
could never respond to it with enough confidence…
*30-12-1978, Auroville:
You have said that sleep, in the life of the human body, is meant for everyone to go
up to Sat-Chit-Ananda for a moment and draw there the energy one needs… All my
life this need has been conscious, to be able to reach that and be filled again at the
One Source and return to the daily life with it, look at things in the real way, see in
them their real purpose and meaning and be ready… Like someone who has
subsisted for ages on too poor a substance, to be fed again by the Real…!