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I love Matter and I am disgusted by the influences that play on it and make it so
often and so much a hell.
I need to FEEL that all this substance is Yours, belongs to the Lord, so that no
distance is left and no play may interfere, deform, debase, pervert…
… I abandoned myself and slowly turned to him and we met in full light, a
transparent, confident sharing and release…
I don’t quite know what people mean by “self-control”, but to me it seems that it
must mean to be centred, ready and awake and to live, instead of being lived…!
*9-1-1979, Auroville:
C.E is lying by the fire sweetly like a child; I go beside him; it feels like we are on a
boat, letting it be carried by the current and basking in the sun, a light breeze
caressing us after so many struggles and heavy storms and holding on to one
direction…
… My heart vibrates with gratitude for the presence of the Force, it comes intensely
when we reach here and see the house, so preciously set in the trees, glowing,
simple and yet secret, a living being; and each tree, each plant seems to answer to
and radiate the Presence… what a gift of Grace to be here…!
*10-1-1979, Auroville:
Everything in the world of human mind and life is motivated; the determinism of
mind is so crude and gross compared to the movement of consciousness, the
intensity of conscious existence in which immediacy and eternity are one…
… I don’t want to be wasted away and – at a precarious end – weep over stolen
time and substance…!
… From this to That how many worlds, universes, aeons, how many bodies…? But
all will gather in an instant of consciousness when it is done…
*13-1-1979, Auroville:
The same perpetual question – anguish or amazement – at the process of living : of
getting life-vibrations, movements and impulses to carry one onward and open and
widen and meet and touch and grow, and yet, behind, this hesitation, this
persisting insatisfaction, deep like a void. Why this compulsion? Is this really the
whole of it? To live and experience and to constantly labour in order to be moved
by energies and to learn out the movements? Is there not another way?
Can’t one be filled directly, be it in stillness or in action, by something else more
real, more conscious, something one would unite to for ever, something that will
not let one down?
There are so many ways to perceive the question, so many ways to need and to
aspire…
To jump into the flow of life, uniting with the urge to create and the joy of
manifestation, yes… but when the impulse retires for one reason or another, one is
left hanging in a meaningless void, looking to death to end it…
As for the advice to withdraw from the world?! No!
The only answer is: That. The material Supreme. That. That. That.
*14-1-1979, Auroville: