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*20-8-1979, Auroville:
What can one do in these conditions, without drawing on some vitality to bring in
some dynamism and make things move? For so long now, for so many years I have
been avoiding to use my vital being because I could not trust it enough, I knew it
needed first to be purified, since it had the capacity to radiate and influence and
this must be offered to You and made secure… And it is still not ready. So, what is
one to do? Just to watch and endure, while everything seems to be dissolving,
wasting away? Pray for a direct impulse and motion?
… I am working with a larger team nowadays: Bill S and Marcia, M.L, D.W and
Sally, Andy, D.S… are now part of it as well; G.M, though, reacts heavily to D.S’s
suggestion that Dharman could also work with us. I have to intervene and remind
G.M that it is not right for him to try and force others to agree with his positions,
that he may take his own actions if he wishes to, but must respect each one’s
views…
*24-8-1979, Auroville:
We spend the morning taking down the scaffold; it feels like kids playing,
expanding, happy… When it is over, we look at one another, content. Abha, Pas and
sometimes CL.A have started to come and help…
Late this afternoon I ride down to “Aspiration” looking for a beads weaving-frame
that has ended there by “mistake”, and locate it with Rhonda… After meeting with a
few people there, I go over to Al.B’s to change the Agenda tapes; he is still resting,
the infection is not yet healed; he takes it as a time of introspection… I was a little
apprehensive that some formations might have come between us, but he welcomes
me and we have a quiet time together.
… Riding back I meet SSJ returning on foot from Matrimandir – his usual evening
walk – and I am moved by something in his gait and his appearance, a fatigue, a
sadness… I smile at him with all the affection I still feel for him… He calls me back,
takes hold of my cycle and tells me, like opening to a friend with a need, that he is
going on a pilgrimage to Amarnath… He is reaching for a sharing and I am touched.
Here is a man whom everyone here now rejects and condemns and fears, and he is
doing that simple thing that a man like Piero would be far too proud and self-
imbued to even attempt to do… I don’t care what people think, I want to be faithful
to each and every inner contact that is given, regardless of formations and
opinions…!
*29-8-1979, Auroville:
This afternoon C.E decided to go to Pondy on his own. Since the day I hit him, we
have both been most subdued! Sometimes it is helpful, but at other times it seems
to widen the gap and let in more misunderstanding, but I am learning to offer it all
with more honesty…
The whole place here is so graceful and alive and present and rich and yet discreet,
tranquil; the trees growing, the orange paths, the forms reflected in the pond
quietly waving across its great pink blooms and smaller, purple-blue lilies: a little
space, a little time, a bit of love and gratitude in Nature’s presence, the need of
You, a little care, and everything can be born again!
*1-9-1979, Auroville: