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… Tonight, after our dinner at “Dana”, Diane is divided as to whether to stay with
me here or to leave…; she goes into an intricate exercise of formulation, and then
she leaves…! And, later in the night, while asleep, I get stung by a scorpion…!
*13-2-1981, Auroville:
It is about 2 am when I walk over to the Camp to ask for the black stone; by then
the venom has already travelled to near the heart, as I hesitated a long time before
I decided to do something about it! Jacq makes a small cut and applies the stone
and she, Noh and Yann keep me company till the poison is drawn back…
*14-2-1981, Auroville:
On impulse I write to Satprem regarding Tanmaya. I have been feeling a certain
responsibility towards him, and I want this matter to be seen clearly and
dispassionately…
… Another long Coop meeting at home here…; the hardest issue today is that of
“Hexiade” and other such US funding agencies: P.L refuses to acknowledge, or even
see, how perverted this thing of “Hexiade” is…
Satprem has sent a message commenting on our presentations for the IAC:
basically that we should not throw at them too many technicalities but try and
interest them in a living way; this is fine, but these very “technicalities” were only
introduced because we were told they should be! So now, these reports will be
reserved for the use of the Government itself – which is anyway a positive step.
… Diane stays behind, after everyone has left. She becomes nearly paralysed with
her dilemma: to go “home” or to respond to the pull between us, and having then
to face the drama that is likely to ensue… What is more important to me is to not
loose the quality of our contact…
It is midnight when she makes the decision to stay… I arrange the room upstairs
for us; we have our bath; and gently, we meet…
*15-2-1981, Auroville:
Diane left at 8.30 am, and I have no more sign of her the entire day. It makes me
feel as if I am standing on the other side of some transparent wall…
I am not aware of “wanting” anything for myself there; it doesn’t really matter in
that sense; but I wish only to be able to follow as truly as I can whatever
experience is given me to live, at any time and in any way… All the rest seems to
me only time-built and mind-constructed parts of the mechanics of ageing and
dying – not the real life…!
*16-2-1981, Auroville:
Since Ojha’s wife has come to join him here, the work with him, which used to be
joyful, has become unpleasant and tedious; he is only half-awake at the best of
times, and complains a lot…
*18-1-1981, Auroville:
Today I have received Satprem’s answer to my letter.