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accept that… she isn’t any longer what she has been, her beauty and physical
harmony are no longer what they were; and her love is deprived of that expression,
while she continues to feel it, to feel it is hers by right, to express the love and the
progress and the understanding that are growing in her… And, just within, just
there, in our awareness of one another, there is no discrepancy, and it is very
strange: it seems to point to the almost ordinary simplicity and reality of the subtle
physical – the true physical, the physical that is us truly, that we are truly, in a
continuity of progress, of fullness and harmony and beauty, evolving in quality and
depth of experience, but never wasting…
… I am almost through reading “the Executioner’s song”, the story of Gary Gilmore
written by Norman Mailer… This being feels very present, very near; I still
remember his face and his eyes, in a newspaper photograph months ago, and how
it struck me: the closeness, the deep sense of familiarity… This is a psychic drama
that has a long and deep-reaching action in the collective consciousness of the
Americans…
*13-4-1981, Auroville:
A baby boy is born to Hilde and Tency…
*15-4-1981, Auroville:
It has not been flowing well with Diane since two or three days, and it shows in our
work; we keep getting late, missing chances and wasting energy… Today also we
drove to Cuddalore, for nothing! The SP was gone and the Collector was too busy!
But we had time to talk! Whenever there is disharmony between us two, I feel like
quitting: it isn’t creative; it isn’t interesting any more… But then we begin to laugh,
and it becomes alright again…!
*16-4-1981, Auroville:
It is C’s last day here this time, and it is hard.
She comes with me to the general meeting and today the atmosphere is heavy;
there is a sense of the grotesque, with these fat heads talking, talking, and
mouthing big words… I do not wish to work with Fred: it takes us backward…
… The Supreme Court has adjourned the hearing to the 27
th
, on the Government’s
request, so it has more time to gather evidence of the SAS’s mishandling of funds…
*18-4-1981, Auroville:
There is a wave of thefts again, like organised raids. I must learn from Ojha how to
formulate a “complaint” properly…!
… Today I have been under a massive pressure, that leaves me blank, immobile
and unable even to smile – not out of unhappiness, but from sheer lack of feeling;
and yet, an aspiration is there…
*20-4-1981, Auroville:
I said to You: “Mother, take away the shadow of that truth, free me from it! It will
be beautiful! Let me be lighter and available to Thy service!”…