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practical enough, it turns into a ridiculous and exhausting poultry scene… There is
one good surprise, though: Krishna is there! Our eyes meet; and it so happens that
he, G.M and I each express spontaneously a position that is identical on the matter
of “Utility”…
… We have time for Ojha tonight; whenever we do not go to him, he resents it and
begins to feel left out…
*25-4-1981, Auroville:
Diane and I return from our Pondy work just in time for the Coop meeting here.
Apart from our team, several others come in on various topics: June M about her
work in the US; Vikas, Cristo and Bill S about ‘Utility’…
And Charlie has come to participate; and, after quite some work is done, it all
suddenly opens to a big chasm: the ghost of racism, like a deep abscess, suddenly
bursts between Charlie and Arjun and Yus… Yus particularly, is carried away on a
mounting tide of painful, bitter, poised hate and resentment and despair…
It needed to be washed out…
I go out after Yus and Arjun, and they calm down…
Eventually Charlie leaves, and we can resume our work, but… this is the most
effective enemy of the very existence of Auroville! At certain critical points it shows
its head, rearing up again with its malevolence, and the condition of Auroville then
appears so precarious…!
… Once everyone has left, and only Pnina is here with me, a necessary clarification
must be made: I realise that, during the months of her absence, she may have
invested much more than I have in the possibility of a settled relationship. Given
this imbalance, I do not wish us to be intimate as before, as she would only feel
more hurt… This is a moment of decision…
*26-4-1981, Auroville:
I have just finished my morning work and I am drifting into half-sleep. Diane
arrives, intense, straight from a decisive scene in “Jaïma”: Jean has asked her to
leave; he would keep the children, of course!
So, the whole issue is being pushed…
We look at the options. As Krishna is shifting to “Utility”, she could perhaps move to
his place in “Certitude”, and try to establish her own base. She could also come
here and stay in C’s house, having a sort of semi-independence; or else she could
move right here with me…
We both feel the need to go slow, not to be rushed, to seek within us for the right
thing…
… Ramalingam comes: this time he has brought… his wife!
… Pnina has decided quietly, softly, to move to Pondy for a few days and, later, to
stay at the Guest House…
… I find Diane at “Dana” this evening; she is weeping from the stress of seeing her
children’s faces and eyes filled with a mute question… We both sleep in “Certitude”;
we both needed this time together…
*27-4-1981, Auroville:
It is only late tonight that we can get a clear line to Delhi; even so, Cl.A’s words are
jumbled; but we understand that our case is now postponed to the 7
th
of May…