383 / 1424
383
G.M was angry at me when he learnt of my decision, and said that this withdrawal
would solve nothing at all… But I only knew there was no more space for me…
… At the last general meeting, which I did not attend, one of the “decisions” taken
was to ask Kiran to leave. And today, the “Envelopes” meeting broke up mid-way,
so that a group of about 12, I think, would go to the Camp and ask her directly.
I wouldn’t have done that, she is my sister; but I also understand why the others
feel so much that this has to be done, for she has been weak; she has not served
when the opportunity was clearly there… And I feel the presence of a love there…
*30-5-1981, Auroville:
Barbara and, later, Arjun, come and stay with me to persuade me to come back to
the Coop. I delight so much in Arjun; he is such a fine being… They are so
determined, that it makes no more sense for me to resist…
… I go quickly down to Pondy to get flowers for Jacq’s birthday and bring them,
along with her visa papers, to the Camp, and stay with her and Kiran for a moment.
Then, with Diane, I join the Coop meeting, which takes place at the office… I only
try to say that, to my sense, we had lost track of the spirit of service… but it may
not have been understood…
… Later, I go over to see Krishna: he comes hard on me, very hard, on the falsity of
the position expressed by the Coop, the attitude it represents, etc. I take it in: it
could have come from me as well…
*31-5-1981, Auroville:
We were supposed to meet again this morning, so as to re-distribute the work
among us, re-centring around the real purpose of this Coop. But there is only an
image of that, an echo, none of us is natural. It isn’t working. It’s as if a Presence
has left.
I feel freed. And Diane, on her own, felt it too…
*1-6-1981, Auroville:
Diane and I spend the day catching up with our work, in a mess of papers and
letters and accounts, each one at a type-writer, till it gets cleared.
*3-6-1981, Auroville:
Marcia has returned today from Brazil, sweet Marcia…
… I have seen people lying and manoeuvring, and apparently hiding to themselves
their own motivations and the root of their resentment…
*4-6-1981, Auroville:
Formations fed with jealousy; lies; how much of the Pressure and the Light is
distorted by the mind, how rare is the straight cry from the very truth of the
being…!
*5-6-1981, Auroville:
Everything seems to be on the verge of collapse.