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and prayer that it must be built soon… It is a vast square, a cube rather, with in its
inner volume a four-sided tiered atrium…
*1-8-1988, Auroville:
Vivian, Su’s and John H’s sister, has safely arrived, and it is as if her entire
emotional being is already known and experienced…
*2-8-1988, Auroville:
I need to give more attention to “Ravena” these days, with a whole swarm of
carpenters there, and Jaïmurthy, who’s been brooding overmuch, tending to make
mistakes with the laying of the new terrace tiles…
*3-8-1988, Auroville:
I am suffocating: the whole process of “doing”, the mechanics of energies, and the
dependency on money and how it deforms, twists and bends every movement,
every action and every situation… And here particularly, in this country now, the
low degree of quality and reliability and the high quotient of deteriorating and
disintegrating agents, factors, or tendencies: I feel swamped within a thick,
heterogeneous, jarring mass of disparate elements; and I get confused, cerebrally
confused, at not being able to do properly what, in the circumstances, is expected
of me…
*5-8-1988, Auroville:
The pressure of a deadline to finish the work at “Ravena” without enough money is
throwing me in a dumb panic much of the time; I struggle with depression, as I
catch myself perhaps wasting money, not giving enough attention and care, not
succeeding in perfection; defects appear magnified and I tend to find myself
incompetent; and I struggle through this false relationship to Matter, bound by
intermediate energies and artefacts, loud and ugly, not ever reaching
completeness, not ever neutralising the processes of deterioration…
… I cooked dinner for JF.D and Michel, and it was a quiet evening with them; I find
that they have sort of complementary imbalances! But I enjoyed the moments
spent in their company; I do not think, though, that they would make it here, at
present…
*6-8-1988, Auroville:
I went to help a while at Matrimandir, preparing for the next concreting on top of
the structure, with John H and Su and Narayana and Somu and a few others, each
of us grateful for this gorgeous, peaceful gift of Matrimandir, watching the sunset
all over the land and the ocean in the distance… This morning too, I attended a
meeting there, with Piero and Carel sharing their findings in their trip to Europe,
regarding the technical problems, and possible solutions, of the next stage of the
work…