799 / 1424
799
I asked him, later, to stay this night too, while I went for night watch at
Matrimandir, and fill the tanks… And this was demonstrative of what he generates
in the atmosphere! He got a scare, seeing, he said, two men walking in the dark,
and then throwing stones; and he came right over to fetch me, with this vibration
of drama and insincerity all around him… This will never do…!
*8-7-1988, Auroville:
As I have too much work here, I decided not to go to Madras, and let Ar. go alone,
to meet Soaz and the children.
I received a letter from J.Y, oddly exalted, unreal; I’m becoming quite devoid of any
“romanticism”… I find, more and more, that our expectations, our ideals, and even
our aspirations, are perhaps as much in the way as our so-called resistances…
*9-7-1988, Auroville:
Ar. has not returned; neither has she sent any message. I don’t understand, but I
don’t feel worried; I have to take care of Ritam…
… Krishna came, first thing this morning, declaring that he was in need of the
contact with me, beyond even his own will, and that I must not bar him…
*10-7-1988, Auroville:
Ar. returned in the middle of the night, alone, and went back again at noon.
… Krishna came early, had breakfast with me; he needed to make sure that I won’t
let me down if he needs help, vitally and emotionally, and also physically, and he
want me to be especially aware of him these days…
*11-7-1988, Auroville:
Ar. stayed at Juanita’s in Madras. I cooked for Ritam, it was good with him, and
Patricia slept there to keep him company.
… I have so little physical or nervous endurance; as soon as it becomes a little
crowded, and tensions go beyond the little I can quietly assimilate and work on, the
nerves go awry…
*12-7-1988, Auroville:
And I saw my Samuel this morning! He came right into my arms, and it all felt and
was right between us.
He has grown up of course, his voice has become defined and very articulate, he
talks fine and easy; he has taken perhaps too much after his sister’s way, because
she’s been his only model for the past two years, but his own nature is
overwhelming, sweetness and fine presence… They’re here for only 6 weeks…
*13-7-1988, Auroville:
Krishna came to have breakfast with me. It’s like moving through an unknowable
forest, or jungle. But it is Yours, it belongs to You, and if he comes to me out of
need, I know that You are supporting it, automatically, necessarily…
You are so beautiful…!