796 / 1424
796
*8-6-1988, Auroville:
Krishna came, with a bouquet of wild flowers, sweet and wanting to communicate…
*13-6-1988, Auroville:
First thing this morning I got a note from Larry saying that the US donors would
give no more funds to “Ravena”, and that the teachers” seminar was postponed till
next January, so would I please cancel the order for the tiles…
I understood why there had been that slight unease marring the joy of being able
to do the right thing… But I still feel that it must be done; so I’ll try to cut down on
other expenses… Auralice is returning in a few days, and Larry is all focussed on
that…
… There was a difficult moment with Krishna; he was resentful and reproached me
for what he’d taken as my getting rid of him the other day – he’d come to me full of
his own drama, wanting to leave, wanting me to find someone to look after his
place, and mainly to indulge him a moment; but this I can’t do anymore: I went all
the way to the other end, the last time he’d called me in, a few years ago, and it
cured me for good…
And I have begun to have glimpses of a state or condition that is entirely beyond
that sense or drama and need for emotions as we experience them here; and at the
risk of seeming inhuman, I understand that it opens onto a truer condition, more
capable of sustaining, later on, the actual charge of Your Love… But we must first
outgrow our so-called needs, and achieve an entire and detailed honesty…
*14-6-1988, Auroville:
The work on Barbara’s house is taking more and more time and attention; I have
now less time for the study of Sanskrit…; time, the question of time… I tend to
conclude that the only way out, or in, is to become capable of acting exclusively
under Your impulse, at each moment, whatever the consequences and regardless of
the appearances… Every attempt at organising time is bound to fail, or to remain so
inadequate and arbitrary… But there must be such a “long” way to go in order to
reach that capacity…!
*16-6-1988, Auroville:
I took Patricia with me to Pondy for a few errands and to get fresh garlands for
John H’s birthday, and we made a halt at the beach on the way back; and there I
passed my princess, her eyes against the dust of the road, her small adorable face
raised up, just in front of Diane’s hard mask… What is the sense of this, Mother? I
still do not know…
… At “Ravena” this morning, Larry came with Auralice, and a few other kids;
Auralice is all fat and hardened and acting up, and it was vulgar and like a
betrayal…
*17-6-1988, Auroville:
I think I can say that there are, in my aspiration, two needs that predominate, like
a note of music, a unique call: one is to open time, and free it from its linear
slavery – be it animal, in the form of growth followed by decline, or mental, in the
multiple sense of projected activities, habits and structures… The other is to open