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… This evening when I came home from work, I found N waiting for me; I cut his
nails; we lay together for a moment; I guess I had needed that release, with the
tenderness that has now come between us, despite the confusion it brings…
*4-6-1988, Auroville:
I went to visit with Kenneth late this morning. This friendship seems to grow, and
develop virtues that make it belong to You, offered to You, and this is a happy
thing; it is not an easy contentment, for it demands the best in either of us, but
that is also its value…
*5-6-1988, Auroville:
J.P came, after long, to see me here; I made him tea; he asked why I had been so
cool with him; I told him. And so he can now choose whether he cares for that
friendship or not…
… Y came with his wife, bringing me their baby-girl…
… How long will it take for me to become wholly gathered for You, Douce Mère…?
The more I go and the greater and purer and truer and more indispensable You
become to me: an intimate, ultimate and absolute necessity…
How beautiful and real is the Divine You bear…
*6-6-1988, Auroville:
Before leaving for Madras, I rested longer at noon and, in my sleep, I went to the
Samadhi, and then to the alcove by Your stairs, where they had put You down on
Your bed, and I was crying and crying and crying…
… I met Larry on my way, and he now agrees with the tiling of the terrace at
“Ravena”… It is comforting to find the way opens when one is set on making an
offering to You; despite everything else that goes on in Auroville, as long as this
still happens, it is a good place…
… Su came home, shocked, around 2 pm, back from an awful morning at
Matrimandir, with Narayana and Bhavani’s vicious, delirious hysteria… ; they’re not
strong or poised enough to bear these waves of energy such as what came last
week; they blow up and all their pent-up resentments rise and burst nastily like a
virulent steam; Su cried…
*7-6-1988, Auroville:
I returned with Patricia at 1 am. I was counting the miles!
Her plane landed on schedule. She stood on the tarmac, looking for me.
We talked a little, quietly, part of the way. Something of J.Y came with her.
It’s possible - I do not know - that we have met before, in other times, but not in a
man-woman relationship, I do not feel that at all… Perhaps she has merely found,
through both J.Y and me, the echo of the Presence she was seeking, of the purpose
she was missing… She came for a month, and on my request P and Jossie have
made a room available for her in their house… In her I detected a sort of propensity
for militantism, which I distrust, but also a quality of listening, of silent attention
and attunement; and other aspects as well…