816 / 1424
816
… Perceptions come and go; or, rather, they come, they rise, they join and feed the
flame of Presence… It is gratitude and safety, it is endless becoming…
*6-12-1988, Auroville:
Su and I spent the entire day in town; I had to place orders for much of the
furnishing items for “Ravena”, such as rolling mats, cushions and bolsters and
mattresses and cloth, etc; I’m trying to complete this place right, down to the last
detail, but I somehow get a little confused in the planning of it, as I have only 15
days left and the money came so late, and I don’t know yet whether I must then
withdraw from the scene altogether or remain there as a sort of caretaker for the
time being… You have to show me what’s next for me…
… I try to rely on the experience You are giving me, but today I had to cope with
those small mental movements of, in effect, resistance: movements of doubt,
mostly (how can this last? It will drop me again, it is too good to be true, I won’t be
able to hold it… the dumb ordinary denial)… Yet, by the centring of the Presence, I
begin to understand a little, not with thoughts or feelings, not even with intuition,
but with consciousness, to understand the Real, and the way, the process…
And all the rest, all of our movements, everything we seem to be, is part of the
clamour of emptiness – “la clameur du vide”…
*7-12-1988, Auroville:
I am still confused, about “Ravena”; there is the formation that I simply have a
problem of attachment: but it feels unfair to me, because I know I can move out
and away in a minute and it will be done; there may be an attachment to a rhythm,
and to a type of work-environment, or to the possibility of being useful somewhere,
and creative; but I trust that I can find harmony again, whatever will be the next
thing. It is rather that I do not know clearly, before You, to which extent I must
care, or cease to care for the place, for its quality and its purity… This morning
Larry came there, accompanied by Gordon and Jean and David; it is obvious to me
that Larry isn’t the right person to look after “Ravena”; yet he behaves as if it is all
his! It seems to me that, would the right person be there, I would feel none of this
confusion…
… Douce Mère, make me a child of the Force…!
*8-12-1988, Auroville:
I have still this anxiety, this apprehension that Your gift will not remain. The longer
it stays and the more precious it becomes, and the more creative, as it makes the
way so concrete and so clear, and so simple; the element of the necessity of
personal effort and collaboration becomes itself a joy, just as when a child
concentrates on making a new movement right…
*15-12-1988, Auroville:
Over the last few days, I seem to have lost the awareness that had been Your gift…
I think it has been gradually obscured by the tide of this energy that came at me
from the necessity of finishing “Ravena” in such a short time, of accepting the
challenge… It isn’t an energy that comes from the Force; it is an energy to “do”, to