871 / 1424
871
and that failed, and he also had to help D.P out when he needed it, having already
got so much from him in the past; his wife is nagging him every day for not
bringing enough money home, etc. And he didn’t know how to let me know, he
didn’t want me to learn about it through others, and he didn’t want to lie to me
either…
So we had to talk it out and it took a very long time.
I have to try and make him see what is the true nature and the true use of money,
and I realise this is bound to be hard work…!
*17-8-1989, Auroville:
It isn’t improving at Matrimandir. Arjun has received an anonymous letter, made up
of magazine cuttings, insulting him in the basest and vilest manner, insulting Stuart
as well, in the most facile way. Arjun is convinced that this was done by people who
work at Matrimandir; Deepti has written an open letter filled with anger, using such
arguments as karma and justice which are somewhat irrelevant. But I am almost
certain this has been done by kids, perhaps with some prompting…
What to do, even so…?
… I have given a cheque to Selvam, and this evening he will begin his rounds to
pay off what debts are most pressing. I blasted him carefully and laid down some
conditions for us to be able to continue together, if he wants. I gave him the
choice: either we stop here and now; or, if we go on, he will have to listen when I
tell him to quit from one thing or another and, basically, he will have to uphold our
team as much as I will… He said that he wanted that.
… This afternoon I had a good, open talk with Arjun, one of those moments that re-
actualise the deep inner bond we share, through the years and difficulties and
contradictions…
*18-8-1989, Auroville:
I have written back to C. I want to support her fully. These physical difficulties are
adding to the already difficult process of ageing, and I know she isn’t one to accept:
she wants to progress; she feels herself to be young and willing, and yet she must
cope. But she will never accept it beyond a certain limit…
*19-8-1989, Auroville:
Selvam tells me that, just as he is trying hard to come out of a pattern of
superficial involvements, I too must come out of this tendency to despair. He says
that soon, even if not as soon as I will it, we shall have time to be together the way
we feel; that he wants it and this is what helps him to break out. He says that hope
is good, that hope helps things to happen… I don’t know much about hope; perhaps
he is right… I want to be open, at least…!
*21-8-1989, Auroville:
Today is, as Selvam puts it, “our day”; in a moment I’ll go down to the beach…
I don’t understand people here, not the way they relate or the way they live their
days, except for John H perhaps… And there is what surrounds us: we are in the
midst of this exploding race for survival, a mounting tide of ugliness and garbage;
and we are faced with this impossible challenge of trying to create a truer