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224

Charles Pépin

be ok, I try to tell him with

my eyes “Don’t worry”, but I

see that it isn’t working.

One of the jury members

whispers something to his

neighbors, I see that these

words slide from mouth to

mouth up to the judge to

get permission for the jurors

to ask their questions. It’s a

woman with short hair and

small, red glasses. I have

made eye contact with her

often. These jury members

are there but I never speak

to them, it’s bizarre. It’s as if

this drama plays so that we

could meet each other, but

without ever really being

able to speak. In the span

of a second, it seems to me

that this woman understands

me, that she really sees the

scene that I am describing

and that she is on my side. I

add that obviously, a funeral

under a drizzle with three

bald guys tucking their heads

to their shoulders, it is not

the same thing and I have the

impression that she agrees

but I may be tricking myself,

I start to get tired and that is

reflected in the windowpane.

The judge starts again:

- You say that you were happy

that everything was going

well, that you were happy

the sun was out, I am using

your words, that you were

satisfied to see the speeches

did not betray the memory of

your mother, am I mistaken?

My lawyer objects to the

question at hand but as the

judgedoesnotreact,hespeaks

and says in a forced voice:

“We are distancing ourselves

from the point.” The judge

rejects his objection with an

authoritative gesture and my

lawyer sits down again, he’d

barely had the time to stand

up.

The judge continues in the