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ablation
learned at an early age that
I should never envy other
people. To each their own.
Everyone has his or her own
destiny. For all of the gold in
the world, I wouldn’t switch
places with any tough, big,
handsome man kissing a
wonderful woman. No. I’m
fine like this. I tell myself
that maybe he will contract
a silent disease or maybe he
will be hit by a tree in a storm
and die or maybe be trapped
by an avalanche because he
is the kind of guy who likes
to ski. Definitely not; destiny
cannot be changed. It doesn’t
do anything to construct it
either. I look at the floor and I
leave for the past. I remember
my first morning woods. I
was always afraid my mom
would notice. I would run
to the bathroom and splash
cold water on it to make it
go down. Then, I switch to
thinking about the games with
the girls next door. Rubbing
each other’s bodies while
trying to make it look like we
were playing something else.
Carefreeness, laughter, shouts
of joy, and then their breasts
came in, followed by peach
fuzz. She wouldn’t give it all
away, but she liked to feel my
penis against her body, even
before marrying me. It was a
wonderful time with vacations
to Bretagne where my parents
owned a nice house on Bréhat
Island. We wouldn’t say
anything, but we played at
love without seriousness and
without consequences. Why
did we so often believe that
preadolescence was so easy?
It is just an illusion of time.
I make a mental jump and pass
from one phase of my life to
the next; always connecting
the phases to drama-free sex.
Neither drama nor neurosis.