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GAZETTE
SEPTEMBER 1985
they are relevant. Contracts which may be required to be
advertised in the
Official Journal
of the European
community can be exempted from such requirements
only in accordance with the provisions contained in the
directives themselves.'
In understood, from reading it two or three times, what
they were saying but it could have been put much more
simply. Still, one shouldn't expect too much from three
authors (I shall save their blushes by not mentioning their
names) who finish their letter with that immortal line: 'We
are, sir, your obedient servants'.
Take a very minor example, a clause affecting outside
technical officers and consultants. The original bad old
version ran to 66 words and read: 'It shall be a condition
of the employment by the council of any person (not being
an officer of the council) to supervise a contract that, in
relation to such contract, he shall comply with the
provisions of these standing orders and any related
financial regulations as if he were an officer of the council
authorised to act under the appropriate standing order or
financial regulation.'
The civil servants produced the following 57-word
version in their new model: 'It shall be a condition of any
contract between the council and any person (not being
an officer of the council) who is required to supervise a
contract on their behalf that, in relation to such contract,
he shall comply with the requirements of these standing
orders as if he were a chief officer of the council'.
A marginal improvement on the original, but there is
still scope for further change. Here is the version that
Bradford's team came up with which runs to just 36
words:
'Outside consultants and technical officers
employed to supervise contracts must be required in their
own contracts for services to follow these standing orders
and the council's financial regulations as if they were a
council officer'.
This is surely better than either of the previous versions.
It is much more direct, it cuts out unnecessary or
repetitious words and phrases and it adds something
important that the other two miss. It makes it clear that
the way to make outside consultants follow these
regualtions is through 'their own contracts for services'.
Tenders
Take another example, this time a rule about
advertising for contractors' tenders in local newspapers.
Here's the original version of 108 words:
'Except where standing order 3 or 4 is to be applied,
no contract which is estimated to exceed £15,000 in
value or amount for the supply or disposal of goods,
materials or services or the execution of any work
shall be made unless at least 14 days' public notice
has been given in one or more local newspapers and
also, wherever the value or amount of the contract is
estimated to exceed £45,000 one or more
newspapers or journals circulating among such
persons as undertake such contracts, expressing the
nature and purpose thereof, inviting tenders for its
execution, and stating the last date when tenders
will be received'.
Here's the civil servants' version, which runs to the
same length but at least splits the rule into three sentences:
'This standing order shall apply where the Council,
or a committee or sub-committee duly authorise in
that behalf, have decided that tenders for a contract
are to be obtained by open competition.
'At least 14 days public notice shall be given in one
or more local newspapers and also, where the value
of the contract exceeds £45,000, in one or more
newspapers or journals circulating among such
persons or bodies as undertake such contracts. The
notice shall express the nature and purpose of the
contract (state where further details may be
obtained), invite tenders for its execution and state
the last date and time when tenders will be received.'
Our version is half the length, some 54 words: 'Tenders
must be invited by an advertisement in at least one local
newspaper saying what the contract is for and giving a
closing date at least two weeks later by which tenders
must be received.
'If the contract is estimated to be over £45,000, an
advertisement must also appear in an appropriate trade
journal.'
These examples indicate the basic ground rules which
anyone attempting to write plain English must follow.
Here they are:
1. Write in the active rather than the passive voice
(civil servants, lawyers and local government
officers all have a long standing love affair with the
passive voice, I'm afraid). 'Officers shall be
requested to' became 'officers must'.
2. Avoid negative constructions. You save people the
effort of mentally unscrambling them into positive
statements. So 'no c on t r a c t . .. shall be made unless
at least 14 days public notice has been given in one
or more local newspapers' became 'Tenders must be
invited by an advertisement in at least one local
newspaper giving a closing date at least two weeks
later'.
3. Replace stilted Victorian prose with everyday
English, 'a public notice for a contract expressing
the nature and purpose thereof became 'an
advertisement saying what the contract is for'.
4. Cut out unnecessary phrases. 'Where, in pursuance
of these standing orders, invitation to tender is
required, every notice of such an invitation shall
state', became 'Every invitation to tender must
state'.
5. Replace big words with little words, 'Preceding'
became 'before', 'hereinafter' became 'later' and
'provisions' became 'rules'.
The net result, as I said earlier, was that the number of
words used was halved from 3,600 to 1,800. Some of the
reductions in individual standing orders were quite
spectacular. One was cut from one sentence of 205 words
to two sentences totalling 62 words. Another was slimmed
from 620 to 227 words, and yet another from 108 to 38
words.
Impressive though these figures may be, do not confuse
brevity with clarity. Sometimes we found it necessary to
use more words than in the original to get the meaning
across. Take this example. The original standing order
reads as follows:
'This standing order shall not preclude the
extension of an existing contract on the same terms
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