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070 MAY 2015 JB Hi-Fi
visit FEATURE GAMES
Be Drunk. I'd say I'm sufficiently versed in
the art of being drunk and once upon a time, in
my younger years, could probably have been
classified a specialist. I have no desire to be
drunk in a video game. Blurring the screen and
making the character almost impossible to
control for all of 30 seconds doesn’t simulate
intoxication. It just makes the user feel motion
sick. Perhaps the inclusion of a hangover mode
would therefore be more relevant.
Rappel. I didn't mind doing it once. In fact, I
quite enjoyed it in COD 4. 18 games later and
countless directives to descend rapidly down
a wall/cliff and then enter a room through a
shattering window, and I've had enough. It's
creative apathy, has been overdone, and no
one wants to see it. If I was a studio head and
somebody suggested a rappel sequence during
the planning stages of a developing game, I'd
throw them out of a window – without a line.
Escape from a Prison. I've escaped from
more prisons than Hilts, 'the cooler king'
himself. Deus Ex, Resistance 3, Black Ops,
Oblivion, Saints Row 2, Assassin's Creed:
Unity... the list is endless. In fact, I could write
a magazine full of the times that I've been
forced to become a fugitive in a dramatic –
or undramatic – escape. Unfortunately, it's
entered prerequisite territory and has become
tedious. And I always escape. At least make it
challenging.
Follow Someone. Again, high on the list of
developer 'must-haves' is the insistence that at
some point during a game, I will have to follow
someone and not get caught. It could be in a car
or leaping across rooftops in a desperate effort
not to break the sight of the intended target
and lose them. Either way, it's a frustrating,
pointless and unrealistic chain in the narrative.
Drop it. Please.
Protection/Escort Missions. One word:
Infuriating. I don't want to be forced to protect
an NPC with deficient AI who cannot find a
suitable position to 'stay out of trouble' while I
mop up any resistance, or who suddenly loses
the ability to fight despite previously displaying
formidable combat skills. I hate, hate, HATE
protection missions.
Illuminated Enemies. Remember the days
where you would creep around every corner of
every building not knowing who or what was
laying in wait or patrolling on the other side? Well,
now with the use of a gadget/heightened sense of
awareness, you can see through walls and reveal
the living occupants of the next room. Wait, watch
and learn programmed habits in order to silently
slip past or deliver a coup de grace from behind.
It worked fabulously well in Arkham Asylum, but
like any good innovative feature in video games,
it's immediately deemed necessary, copied, and
swiftly implemented. File under uninspiring.
There are aspects of video games that annoy all of us.
We’ve drawn up a list of features we never want to see or do again.