168 / 1424
168
But what I understood inwardly was that we should all by now, each and all of us
be able to respond and to act according to the light and presence in our hearts, SAS
or no SAS; and if we were not, that nothing could help us.
*19-9-1978, Auroville:
I feel uneasy with C.E. The thing is that, as long as we believe that a division is
possible and might occur some time, then it will return, again and again… It is a
lack of faith, love and sincerity for, with faith, love and sincerity, one KNOWS that
division does not exist!
I feel unwilling or reluctant to give myself when the next moment I might be
rejected. We cannot be spending days of negation waiting for the night to bring us
together again; my nerves are weakening…
*20-9-1978, Auroville:
I was concentrating in my work, a bit worried about my nervous capacity to endure,
when suddenly came Gordon calling for help: a band of men from Alankuppam had
just come to break the dam that Joel G had built last year…
Later, as I was preparing to go down to Pondy with Shradhalu, P.V all excited came
to ask us to inform the Kottakuppam police on our way; but no officers are there
when we reach and we can only leave a note. In the evening when we returned Pas
told us that P.V had been beaten up by a large group of villagers – and a whole
dream came back to me from the night before…!
*21-9-1978, Auroville:
I was working on the compost pile when two villagers, owners of several pieces of
land in the area, came to tell me they wished to sell some of them; I fixed an
appointment with them in the afternoon…
There is a sense of a cry, behind the surface, a feeling that we are not answering,
not doing what You expect us to do; it is like a knot collectively tied and the worst
of it is an inertia that is used to repel the Help we need…
By 3 pm the villagers came and I took them to the Matrimandir office… And there I
learned that, by the end of this month, SSJ will have merged into the SAS –
something I had not understood! We arrive in the middle of an intense discussion;
several of us are there along with Toine, some have come from “Aspiration” to try
and make him change his mind, as it seems he has chosen to go along with the
SAS resolution and to hand over to them all the Account books of Matrimandir
within a few days… I listened to the arguments and, in this way, got a perspective
of the whole situation without asking any questions. It does not look good! I quite
agree with what is expressed by B.B for instance, but I can also appreciate Toine’s
faithfulness to what he believes to be the truest; it is an interesting moment, but it
goes on and it becomes obvious that I won’t be able to do anything for those
villagers, besides which there is no money in any case either at Matrimandir or at
“Pour Tous” and we can’t even pay the electricity bills… So I send Ramalingam to
verify the options and postpone the talk with the land-owners…
On my way back R asks me with some force to come tonight with him and P.G to
see the villagers who have beaten P.V and try to communicate directly with them; I
feel happy with the simplicity of his conviction but I have no wish to participate…
Back here I come upon a new scene: Krishna seems to be now staying with V and
there has been some dramatic exchange with A who now needs another place to