243 / 1424
243
… I feel hemmed in by the mental projections of a “logical development”; adversity
is well marked, and there seems to be so little room left for Your Grace…!
I yearn to perceive an open present, towards a virgin future, offered to the Lord…
And it is painful to hear, to feel, to think those formations already made, those
reactions and responses all set and ready to be enacted…
… At night I walked slowly back to Matrimandir: it is so incredibly beautiful and
present… A presence which remains, I guess, still intangible to many, being at once
so rapid and so still, discreet, like a power generating plant silently active; no
artefact and yet such fullness…
The entire world is strained, contradictions are being faced all over the earth… and
we do not understand that we still carry the seeds of them until we break through,
not in an uncaring super realisation, but in a truer materiel position and
awareness…
… Having lit the candles, we turn to each other, part the new shyness away and,
gently, with much care, we meet again…
*24-9-1979, Auroville:
We are doing a general clean-up of the site, split in two teams; the carpenters
arrive and sit back in the store-room awhile; then, Joss and Cristl join them, and it
all begins! G.M goes to them and requests them not to worsen the situation by
imposing themselves; Joss replies “You cannot legally prevent me, but you can try
to do so physically”, provoking and evoking violence and at the same time making
it clear that he has now joined the side of the legal owner of Auroville, the SAS,
with all its rights… We realise then that Joss has brought more men along, mainly
members of “integrated families”, but also Ravi and Jayaram. And we soon see
them all moving towards the structure.
We move quickly ahead of them, avoiding the trap of physical confrontation; but for
once in my life, I do feel ready and willing to get to that if need be… G.M goes at
once up onto the ramp and begins to remove the temporary planking, in one big
burst of energy: it is brutal, but it is also beautiful, and I feel he is embraced in
Matrimandir’s arms as he throws the planks over the side… Andy and Phil help me
to remove an entire ladder from the access tower…
By that time people from “Aspiration” and “Jaïma” have come to help, we remove
all the other accesses, put away all the planks; we work all day. Till I find myself
again squeezed into the French atmosphere – noisy, uncontrolled and yet
irresistible…
When C.E and I return here at the end of the day, we are soothed and uplifted by
the queenly radiance of the eve, the fields spreading the youth of their green all the
way to the low hills in the distance, the living transparency of the air kissing the
budding life all over in a sweet game of light and shade and colour – the delight of
being here, come home, to its peace and welcoming secrecy, sheltered in Your
Grace…
… I go to P.G, determined to see now that his leg heals; I clean it thoroughly, apply
ointments, and ask him to give me 3 days of doctoring him and making it go right…
… We are paying for our mistakes, for our own little lies, taking the lesson of it.
Perhaps the first such “mistake” dates back to that time when Piero, prodded by
SSJ, made the carpenters “Aurovilians”, just so that they would remain at
Matrimandir under his control…
… When I move upstairs for the night, I find that C.E has laid some tiny roses and
some jasmines on my pillow…!