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and a pressure was put on me that I must begin to repeat SSJ’s name; I had
wakened up from the sheer pain of it, all my nerves crying, and C.E. had had to
give me some milk and to hold me for a long while… And this seems to be a typical
tell-tale effect of certain uses of mantras…
This review is like cold water on the head.
What is the point, then, of searching for a common ground?
Yet there may also be the possibility that these people do this in “good faith”, that
is, with some self-serving justification, seeing us as some obscure beings
obstructing the advent of truth… But then I wonder: are they so undeveloped
within?
We work all afternoon on the towers, dismantling them beam by beam; a weird
land wind has risen, hot and tiring… The police are stationed under the Banyan
tree, the group of carpenters and company nearby; a full busload of tourists are
looking at us as at some monkeys or acrobats…
*28-9-1979, Auroville:
Mid-morning we are called down to meet the sub-Collector again. He had got
“information” that we were planning to take over Bharat Nivas and wished to gave
it confirmed with us; we tell him that we hadn’t even thought of it, but yes, why not
in future… He laughs with us… This man is smart and quite fine; there is a sense of
integrity about him…
This afternoon, exhausted from the nasty wind and feeling empty, wrapped in a
sticky fog, I stay at home, weaving beads: Jacq comes: she is so straight in her
movements… and I am not! I fear she may get attached, even though I have come
to treasure our friendship… This shows me how proud I still am…
We learn that the Pondy police, following a case of theft and violence, has caught a
man who confessed to having attacked both Christiane and Rhonda; he is part of an
eight-member gang; we do not yet know if they were also responsible for the
attack on Piero.
Tonight, I cleansed myself thoroughly. C.E, I found, is waiting for me very
tenderly…
*29-9-1979, Auroville:
We are at work on the towers, in the afternoon, when something happens that calls
back all the unease of the previous days…: we see red Peter arrive, just back from
Germany; both P.G and G.M dislike him and they start commenting on his
relationship with “SSJ’s group”; I become tense when I see that he is heading for
our tower and climbing it… P.G talks to him straight, though, in a fair and humorous
way, to explain to him how and why we must refuse access to anyone working with
SSJ, for the time being; red Peter makes a visible effort then, and says that he
wants to stay and work with us… But then Patrice goes down and G.M grumbles
and… the whole thing strikes me as dishonest… I do not want to belong to any
group!;, I do not want to judge anyone by their friends! I have more than enough
with my own ego! I burst out at them, saying what I sense and what I refuse;
everyone goes quiet. We soon leave. I walk down to the Nursery to gather a big
bunch of flowers…
*30-9-1979, Auroville: