253 / 1424
253
*22-10-1979, Auroville:
We started the work earlier today, and agreed to hire 3 men as watchmen for the
entire area, to be coordinated with our own watch-duties…
… A small silly drama: V returns with her bags; C.E refuses to vacate her house,
saying that this will teach her to know what se wants; P.G doesn’t welcome her
either; she has lunch with me; she rests; she is aware of her own unclarity, that
she must sort it out in herself before she can really choose to be in Auroville; but
she is sober and poised as regards her bond to me. The obvious logic of the
situation would seem to dictate that she can now return to live with me, and to
some extent this appears to be guiding her… But I feel the need, more than
anything, to be alone for a while…
… Annappa wrote to me from his farm, a sad letter…
*23-10-1979, Auroville:
As the rain keeps the few of us in the office, bits of news are shared. There are
warnings from AB Patel about the SAS’s intentions, in connection with some RSS
fascist youth; there is the matter of Sj going out everyday to meet with the SAS
people and getting circulars signed…
… I walked down to “Toujours Mieux” this afternoon to pick up Jacq’s bike and met
A.D who is here to see her daughter; she gave me news of Shradhalu: he has
renounced his name and turned away from You; in her own face and eyes, there is
a kind of fear and impoverishment…
… I appreciate the solitude, in the self-contained harmony of the house; it is full
and vibrant… But most contacts are uncomfortable…
*25-10-1979, Auroville:
J and G have returned to Auroville, after three years. This morning J surprises me
at work; it is near, it is open.
*26-10-1979, Auroville:
We have not been able to collect the cement in Madras, as the SAS has written to
the dealer not to issue cement to “those unauthorised foreigners who claim to
represent Matrimandir”… This is sick, and evil…!
P.G keeps reminding me that this is a war, we have these enemies and they treat
us as such, it is only natural…! And I keep insisting, like a stubborn child, that we
are not “against” anybody, we do not want to be anyone’s enemy; we are
struggling, striving, fighting FOR You, for Your Life to manifest here…!
But I can’t help feeling sometimes that these people are like zombies, with the
obstinacy of malevolent suckers, fed with the worst distortions of Your Truth… I
would want, then, to stamp them like bugs…!
*27-10-1979, Auroville;
J distracts us most of the morning with his projects on how to use the “Delta” wings
he and G have brought with them, and telling us some of their experiences while
they were gone. And G comes as well. And when our eyes meet, it is direct: it has
never left me, it has never left him, this affection…