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statements on various issues such as land-taxes, house-taxes, etc, what we could
do in order to reinforce our position…
*2-11-1979, Auroville:
The carpenters have lodged formal complaints with the Police against a whole
bunch of us; I am of course on the list! It is agreed that Yus will go first and find
what exactly we have to do…
It strikes me again that part of me is merely waiting, waiting for circumstances or
for some pressures to make us progress and move forward and grow more
conscious… And how wrong that is, this passive waiting…! One ought to be at every
moment at the maximum of one’s openness, giving oneself…!
*3-11-1979, Auroville:
I may be looking more squarely now at sexuality; it is still very acute in me, but
there is a slow movement of offering it, or perhaps just letting oneself be emptied
of it… Rather than risking more confusion in my relationships, I have begun recently
(after the separation with C.E) to practice self-relief, whenever the need is too
dominant… But one question remains: am I to procreate once?
You know that I have often dreamt of, or wished for, a being who would be my
daughter… But I do not yet know of any woman I would trust enough to do it with…
*9-11-1979, Auroville:
I rains and rains… E.B has come with me to the house for lunch and rest. C has
sent me the prints of my last photographs and I start arranging them in albums,
E.B looking at them carefully; there are many of flowers and leaves, but quite a few
striking portraits as well; E.B is fully appreciative of the shots of stones, of fire, of
wild grass and weeds; she admires the portraits of Patricia; and then she sees her
own face…: the way I usually shoot is precise and may seem pitiless, but these are,
I think, beautiful pictures; yet they show her face very lined and torn by her own
contradictory feelings, like an open book, and it is a blow to her pride, as she
constantly dreams herself other than she is… She refuses it at first and wants me to
destroy the prints. I try to explain what it means and shows and what she can do
about it – beginning with trusting herself more… As I talk to her, she seems to open
to the help and significance through the words…
*10-11-1979, Auroville:
Between the showers, we pull down the rest of one tower, all of us pulling and
hanging on the rope…
…John H tells us that Ruud has now realised he had been trapped in his own image
of a “sadhak” and wants now to come back to us and resume work…
… These nights I have been sleeping for longer hours and my dreams are, it seems
t me, more interesting, although I still cannot recollect them past a certain level.
The reading of Seth’s last book helps me also, perhaps, to focus…
*11-11-1979, Auroville:
There’s been some trouble near “Certitude”. Chris and B.B were first prevented
from ploughing the fields by the SAS’s hired gang; many of us then went to the
spot, it calmed down and Chris started sowing the seeds; and again the SAS sent
their men to plough it all back…!