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that You liked this garden very much and that he should work well to make it more
and more beautiful…
Oh yes, how I feel Your Presence here, and how that helps me!
I am being given everything, constantly, profusely and lovingly, on all levels; and a
beautiful environment and complete freedom, health and support… And what do I
give? What am I able to give?
… Krishna comes; and with him the delight, as if an intense but tranquil ecstasy is
released when we are together…
G.M and Marcia come too, and P.G, as if to let me know everything is alright, we
are together… Krishna helps me to set things in perspective, to learn to wait and to
trust and be patient – without despair, without hope either, but with the trust of
that inner certitude: the Lord will grow, in us, in Matter… And not by our will or our
sense of duty, but after His own fashion…! Our “weakness”, our “smallness”, who
but He can change it, heal it, fill it…?
At night, we listen to Your voice, we hear You say those words:
“Seigneur, manifeste-Toi!”
with such a force! YOU ARE MOTHER!
Your words are summons, are commands!
You are who knows absolutely, intimately and directly the TRUTH OF HIM!
You are who has called and borne Him throughout the ages, in all the worlds, and
KNOWS!
*6-1-1980, Auroville:
Once again P.G asks me to replace him in the Coop. And once again I say that he
must first check with all the other members… He does not seem to understand why
I don’t just say “yes”, but to me it has to be clear that You want me there and, if
so, the others will feel it is right for me to join; because it is a work that I consider
as difficult, and significant…
… This evening, Phil tells me of his trip to Gingee with about 30 of us to accompany
J and G in their first trial of their “wings” since their return to India, and how
beautiful it was to watch J fly for an hour… And I observe once more this silly
negativity in me, this puny will that everyone should concentrate on one line of
action and commitment, excluding the rest of life… At the same time, there is also a
deeper concentration seizing me, and like tears within…
… Oh, to hear Your sweet irresistible laughter, at night in the house…!
True life, I feel, is so very different from what we think, even from what we hope…
There is a silence growing in me. And, at times, an intense recognition, a widening
and deepening gaze; and gratitude…
*8-1-1980, Auroville:
Last night was agitated; I had to take notes several times, and Gauri the cat kept
crying. When I got up I discovered she had given birth, or rather, she had delivered
a dead kitten. I can’t help feeling somewhat responsible! She has become so
attached to me, always sleeps near me or on my chest. Now she refuses to eat, she
is so upset and disoriented…
… Indira is back into power; all the results of the elections haven’t yet come, but
the victory of the Congress is clear…