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In this tape we heard You say that You have taken this body, this time, being
completely free from attachment and desire, with an asexual vital being, like a
warrior fearing nothing, desiring nothing in all the worlds but the Truth…
Sometimes I have this feeling that I was born almost free, but some influence
seized on me when a small child and tied me to the most suffocating desire, one
least admitted in human societies, and sought to make me a slave of it for so many
years of hell, forcing me to touch the roots of obscurity, until I could begin again to
learn and rely on the Presence within and slowly recover freedom, but with a
centring and a comprehension… And now fears are melting away, trust is
developing…
… With P.G we talk of the Olympic Games… It is the first time, this year, that the
Games are to take place in a country fulfilling none of the conditions laid by the
Olympic Charter, and it is also the year You had appointed for Auroville – India – to
host the Games… It is interesting to note that this year in Auroville everybody has
become involved in sports… Perhaps it is time for Auroville to initiate a process and
offer itself as a location for future Games and to propose that the black disc should
be replaced by the golden one, as You have indicated…
*24-1-1980, Auroville:
I still lack the confidence needed to pull the entire thread of my dreams; Instead, I
jump from one to another, in a hurry, and must be loosing a lot of it… I have also
the impression, more than an impression, that activities, “dreams” take place or
happen simultaneously on different planes (or that different parts dream different
activities, at the same time); so, it is actually quite complex…!
… Gauri is being courted all night, it’s been that way for several nights already; in
the morning when I feed her, she makes a big show of queenly indifference…
… Marcia has left G.M and moved to the Camp and I am upset on G.M’s behalf… But
this morning, Marcia comes to me and very gently tells me she had a dream where
I was furious at her for leaving him, and she offers that we talk quietly about it,
soon…
… Abha and Radhika come in a rush to call for the Guard: the SAS has sent a bunch
of people to occupy the “Amba” gardens at “Auromodel”. The police are already
there when we reach, ordering the SAS people away; I feel bad for Ram Singh; as
Al.B puts it, we have no cause to be proud in this particular situation, as Ram Singh
has not been treated well by us… I like the guy; I feel he has a big heart, and an
awful wife, as “Fate” would have it…!
… We are told that SSJ, on behalf of the SAS, has tried to gather all the village
elders and village chiefs and have them take position against us, at a meeting
specially convened in the “Mother’s Centenary Guest-House” (Jagdish’s fiefdom);
but that they have refused and even expressed that they would rather support
us…? What has happened to SSJ?
… I find G.M waiting for me in the house. I settle him and go prepare the big room
for the Agenda session… When it is over, I make him tea and let him speak… He
says he has gone to the wall, and felt there was no way but suicide… He is afraid of
loosing the sense of direction; he felt then that the only opening was to come and
stay with me, concentrate on our work at Matrimandir, while being nearer to where
Marcia is… I try to make him see that he must come to terms with himself, that he
must also appreciate what has been given to him through this place he now has in
‘Dana’, and listen for what his inner being is leading him to; that he must have
trust and think no more; that of course he is welcome here always… I talk to him of
other things, then, of “collective matters”… He walks back to “Dana” quietly in the
night…