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to Indian; he goes berserk with rage, hatred, rancour and bile, and no matter what
I say or if I keep silent, it fits exactly with his assumptions, like some devilish plot…
And in a way I can’t fault the logic of it; it is indeed hard for Indians who are
neither “coolies” nor highly-educated upper society to find their place in Auroville at
present, at least economically; and Narayana, so often ranting and venting his
upset at the world, is getting too close to a nervous break-down… and all this he
projects right onto me and I swallow it all…
*29-3-1980, Auroville:
Gauri has delivered. I find her hidden in a basket inside the house, sitting over two
tiny kittens, content…
… Before 7 am G.M arrives with the news that J.M has handed “Samriddhi” over to
the SAS… There is a sort of reverse perfection at work here, with the SAS waiting
out and pressing o each of our weaknesses, pressing on until it gives, and rushing
in… But now we must find someone to move in there at once…
I ask Pnina to stay on and take care of the house and G.M and I go to “Horizon”,
the “new” community that P.V and D.P have just started, splitting from
“Revelation”, and we try to make them see that the priority is to guard what
already exists, without splitting into more places; but it goes in vain…
The problem with this “battle” is that, resisting, one focuses energies on to them
and they become stronger by our resistance, more motivated, as if legitimised by
it… It is an absurd mechanic.
We should instead find ways to RESPOND, to act unexpectedly – not just to react
and to resist…!
We must be FOR, not “against”…
But how to actualise this understanding? We have to laugh, also!
… We are sitting at the Coop meeting in the afternoon, when P.V comes in: he and
his friends have thought long and hard and have decided that they would move
tonight itself to “Samriddhi” and try to see how they can be most useful there…
These are moments in our life together here that are so comforting and
encouraging…!
… I feel it is only now, after these many years, that we are getting close and ready
with a real “Yes” to Your call, when You invited all of us to join the adventure of
Auroville, to take a leap towards the Future You heralded… As if only now our “Yes”
could begin to be real, to be significant, to actually carry meaning…
*30-3-1980, Auroville:
Pnina needs that I clarify my part of our relationship. I explain again that I am not
ready for a full commitment, that she shouldn’t expect it, as it would only cause
misunderstandings… Just to talk helps and we can laugh; I trust her centeredness,
her self-respect and her awareness…
*31-3-1980, Auroville:
There are so few of us at work today that I don’t even try to force myself and “do”
something, out of plain obstinacy. I just help here and there and watch…. Piero
comes up to see the work… I have found a new way to deal with it: I centre into an
awareness of a Piero who is wider and happier in his body, freer in his movements
yet retaining that wonderful care and precision of his, a Piero who would naturally
express his own beauty and harmony, who would be a friend and a brother… It is