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The atmosphere is diluted; newly risen understandings get swallowed, as if
defeated by inertia… The general meeting ends in a vacuum… It is distressing, but
there is indifference in me today…
… Pnina has come; she has moved to the Centre Guest House; she has met Noh –
two Israeli women here! – and is quietly waiting for us to go deeper into our
meeting; there is no tension in her. She comes to the house and is happy in it;
there is something essentially reliable in her; I feel I can trust her and be a little
abandoned… I offer it to You and I call You… She stays the night. I am thankful…
*22-3-1980, Auroville:
Trouble is brewing again in the topes. The villagers from Kuillapalayam, to whom
the SAS have leased some of the cashew topes, are moving closer and closer to P’s
and Drew’s; Marcia and I go there ahead of the others… I have to explain the
position to Drew: either we accept that the SAS has the “right” to lease land that
we are looking after and collect the monies from it, in which case we just try to
protect ourselves and our little gardens as best we can and avoid any trouble; or
we stand by the principles of Auroville and deny the SAS’s rights of “ownership” and
arbitrary rule… Whether on the land or at Matrimandir, the position is the same…
But what is the sense in preaching…?
*23-3-1980, Auroville:
A has asked to move into A.R’s hut while A.R and Krishna go for a small journey…
There are interesting permutations! A does need the distance and the rest, though!
I spend most of the day studying “hydroponics” or “soil less cultivation”, having to
struggle a bit with the technical jargon, but feeling enthusiastic about it…
… This yearning is there, like a flame, an ocean flame digging its way into the
substance, all over, soundless, an intensity burning… it is not in any particular point
and yet it is centred…
… Pnina has come; she tells me of her life in Israel – and who her father is…!
She asks questions of me; and she asks whether I’d like us to live together for
some time; I say that I do not feel ready for it. She is direct and self-contained:
she says that, in that case, I will have to come to her; she won’t come to me… It is
right, I think. We can laugh. I find myself more trusting than I have ever been…
*24-3-1980, Auroville:
G.M had decided we would try and resume work on Matrimandir, giving up on the
possibility of a unified stand for the time being, offering it through physical work…
Marcia, G.M and I climb up on the structure and John H soon joins us, happy. Then,
little by little, Bill S, Andy, Gl, Phil… But we cannot ignore the presence of that
group sitting under the tree, it is sickening, like a wound that does not heal… And it
is like it will not heal as long as the whole body does not react and affirms the
harmony of health and integrity…
… Pnina stays in the house during the day; she has begun to read Sri Aurobindo
and she is happy…
… Al.B tells me, with good humour, that he, Prem, Piero and K.T have received
another summons to be part of a “Peace Committee” with Guru Prasad and Indra P
for the SAS; and that, fortunately, K.T’s reply has been rather… rough!
… There is now a “Permanence” for the Coop at the office; it makes communication
easier and invites useful contributions; this way I feel more inclined to participate…
… A comes to talk to me: she fears that the difficulty between her and Krishna may
have affected our friendship, that he may resent the fact that she has confided in