305 / 1424
305
many years, earlier given money to Navajata for their house or bungalow in
Auroville…
… There is a sense that things are about to take another turn…
*5-4-1980, Auroville:
I am too feverish to try and go to Matrimandir. Everything is a little blurred…
I measure the spaces between the future trees, and go down to the Nursery to see
Narad about the planting… His secretive, charged-with-meaning, “evolved” manner,
makes me a little sick but, what to do, we must trust and go on…!
*7-4-1980, Auroville:
Krishna and I spent the entire night on duty at Matrimandir. It has been a
wonderful, fulfilling time, sharing within our domain…
… I wake up Pnina; she is going to Pondy for a few days; I respect her and am
thankful for her, for her integrity; she has not tried to shun the difficulty, she has
regained her own poise without rejecting the relationship, without resenting me,
and she remains available to it…
*8-4-1980, Auroville:
I cycle down to town to see for the wood for C’s house. This is a good ride for
meditation… I understand more and more that we must come out of the limiting
mind if we are to enter a truer consciousness, but this does not mean merely (!) to
come out of the mind, it is much more complex and radical, because there is not a
single movement in us, in our very substance, that has not been mentalised in the
process of the ages… I look at it from the perspective of moving towards a “divine
anarchy” in our experience here, since all of our fumbling for some sort of collective
organisation has proven self-defeating, if not plain aggravating, and all of our
striving seems to amount to just a lot of pretence and little self-giving…!
… We fear our own natures… There is but one way, the way of unity and oneness
with the Presence within and without… This has to become a Fact. One cannot
pretend…!
… I wanted to buy a carpet, an orange one I’d seen some weeks back in Gautam’s
shop, to replace the one that Gauri has thoroughly spoilt… When I reach there I
find, standing right next to the carpet… Pnina! She is happy, I am happy; there is
humour in this gift…!
*9-4-1980, Auroville:
Marcia and G.M have prepared dinner for me at “Dana”. Noh has baked a cake with
Pas, Pnina has brought a huge garland of jasmine…
… Krishna is waiting for me at his place, he has prepared it for me, it is filled with a
loving presence; I brought him food, he makes us tea; we lie together, at home in
one another. Today he has received the Agenda 6…
When I return, Pnina has left everything ready for me, Jacq and Kiran have brought
me a beautiful clay symbol of You… We hold each other quietly into sleep…
*11-4-1980, Auroville: