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People often seem to believe that a “generous” nature will solve everything; this
talk dries me up, it feels useless…
But, later, we meet and it is tender and funny and sweet…
*22-4-1980, Auroville:
The time has come to part from Pnina. She tells me that whatever she has said
came from her love for me. I feel quiet, a little distressed underneath; she is a real
person and a real woman; ready to give herself completely, yet she is not
demanding… I respect her!
… Diane comes to pick me up at the office and we drive down to Pondy, to the
FRO… She feels secure now that I’m there with her for this work; the officers there
insist that we must comply with the Governor’s invitation… We figure that he is
trying to stay in power, with the support of the SAS, while covertly acting against
Indira; we learn that the orders for our deportation have gone quite a ways, as all
Court cases against the 8 of us have been “dropped” so that we could actually be
thrown out of the country…
… There is some anxiety; part of my mind has already worked out how I would run
away and hide for some time, asking Noh perhaps to take care of the house and the
work… It is ironic that at this very juncture I am getting involved with the Visas
work for Auroville! There is the feeling that Diane and I can make a good team;
beck in the office, we work for the rest of the afternoon with files and documents,
with the help of Barbara and Rod…
*23-4-1980, Auroville:
Diane calls us down from the structure. She has received confirmation from Delhi
that the Quit Notices have been cancelled; she has us read the letter of appeal that
has been addressed to the Home Ministry: it is a strong and beautiful text… I feel
grateful and a little ashamed too for having allowed my trust to be diminished, for
not always clinging to the Grace…
… G.M and I do our purchases in Pondy. We meet Pnina there; she wants and needs
to tell me that she has been very confused by Krishna who, when she last saw him
at the house, told her in his expansive way that, whenever she had been with me
she had also been with him, that we were one… but with a particular meaning
which left her feeling disoriented; she couldn’t take it and wanted me to know…
Perhaps that is why he didn’t come to see me yesterday…?
When I return home, Yel shows me what Krishna, who has waited all afternoon, has
left for me: a beautiful leather cover he has made for my volume of the last
Agenda…
*24-4-1980, Auroville:
We have to chase again the SAS hired men, this time from around the Pump-
House. We collect the leaves and load them all and send them over to Vijay who
needs them at his place. I talk to Narad about posting a watchman there to help
Stream, on the Gardens budget since the main Pump is right there; he seems to
agree, but wants me to talk to Patricia and F.Gr about it, as they want to hire two
men already for their work at the Banyan tree; but I refuse: I do not wish to be
submitted to that weird energy in F.Gr again; better to bring it up in our work
meeting…