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… We are all a little fed up with these endless tussles and petty fights over
boundaries and nuts and leaves…
… Cl.B rides in on her own new black horse, Grita; I find myself a new role: I help
her down this beautiful, tall and shiny beast and take it away to drink from the
pond and graze in the fields around the Gardens, till it is quite satiated…
… Today Hervé and Jean C have decided to bring me 6 chickens for my cooking: the
first time we have meat in this Kitchen!
… I am reading “Big Sur” by Henri Miller: this is a good man, deeply awake, and I
enjoy the book.
… A visitor, named Boris, comes for the second time – I had no recollection of
having ever met him, but he remembered very precisely about me, 15 years ago in
Ibiza and about entire scenes he describes in detail, and he remembers O.B, and
A.F, and others… How is that possible, I cannot tell!
… There is some humour in serving meat today, “Darshan day”, 60 years after Your
return to Pondichéry, having read in Your last Agenda what You have to say about
meat…! But the 3 of us, Pas, Phil and I, had a very calm afternoon preparing this
dinner and the atmosphere is good and clear and the children, as well as all the big
eaters, are happy…
*25-4-1980, Auroville:
This morning Ramalingam comes up to help with the work. And P.G, who had
“decided” he needed to exert his revolutionary capacities in ‘Fraternity”, has come
back to us, saying he was missing us too much… He is all tender humour and it is
heartening…!
… I drive Christiane down to Nripendra’s Dispensary in the Ashram, to have her
ears treated…
… There is underlying anger in me, at my insincerity and the mixture of motives
and drives in me; at the element of desire that tends to intrude between Krishna
and me these days… And also, all a round, at the general atmosphere we all create,
with its ambiguities and unclarity…
… When I return in the evening from the “Envelopes”, I find Krishna waiting for
me… he too had a mixed day; it takes us a while to climb back…
*28-4-1980, Auroville:
The heat is so heavy, we drag ourselves to work. And it takes nearly an hour before
energy begins again to flow. I have always disliked this dependency, these tricks
we must use in order to open to and receive the needed energy… The yearning is
for an opening, constant and safe, to the energy from above, that would take care
of everything…
… We are all busy in the office, this afternoon, when M.D shows up; he returned in
the night from Delhi… The news is not too bright: Navajata and Co are still able to
get people under their influence on the power paths and Indira is terribly alone In
the midst of generalised corruption. She has indeed issued a stay-order of all our
Quit Notices, but between her and the Tamil Nadu State officials are a number of
strategic spots where the SAS can still interfere indirectly… So there is still
uncertainty in the atmosphere…
… Tonight we start again to listen to the tapes of Your Agenda: it is now Volume 5.